Today’s readings for mass are very difficult for Catholics, even for those who are happily married because divorce has affected so many of our families, friends and extended families as well. It’s hard to talk about it without passions flaring, disagreements, and personal opinions being voiced. Things haven’t changed very much in 2,000 years. There was some dispute about it in Christ’s time as well, because the Pharisees questioned Jesus about this subject in today’s gospel. His answer was very clear:
“Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her; and if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.” Mk 10:11-12
The Catholic church’s beliefs regarding marriage was not created by the church itself. Our beliefs came from Jesus’ own words in scripture. Jesus’ words on this subject are very clear. If we have a problem with his words, then we are the one with the problem, not the Catholic church.
However, many divorced Catholics who have not remarried often mistakenly believe they are not in good standing with the church and can not receive the sacraments, but this is not true. The sin doesn’t lie with the divorce, but with remarriage. We either live with our spouse, or live alone, in keeping with today’s gospel. There is no sin in being divorced, only in remarriage (without an annulment).
Saint Paul wrote in 1 Corinthians 7: 10-11:
“To the married I give this command—not I but the Lord—that the wife should not separate from her husband (but if she does separate, let her remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband), and that the husband should not divorce his wife.”
Young people are often influenced too much by their feelings of infatuation and couples often rush into marriage without really knowing one another very well. This can create a lot of serious problems on down the road though. The church addresses this issue by requiring engaged couples to wait six months before being married in the Catholic church, and to attend marriage preparation classes. There is a valid reason for this, it is to help couples realistically see their lives together and any vital differences they may have. It helps them slow down and think things through a little more carefully before making this life long commitment.
A commitment to marriage should not be taken lightly, but once it is taken, every effort should be made to live up to our vows. Saint James writes in today’s first reading for mass to let your ‘yes’ mean ‘yes’ and your ‘no’ mean ‘no’. Jesus said the same thing in Matthew 5: 37, “Let what you say be simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything more than this comes from the evil one.” We should keep our word, the vows we made to each other in the presence of the Lord on our wedding day.
Saint James also gives us some good advise in today’s first reading for mass. “We call those blessed who have persevered. You have heard of the perseverance of Job.” This is very hard for couples to live by if they are in a difficult marriage. What we want, and what the right thing to do is for the long term, can be totally different things. Perseverance does matter because in five years, the problems in a marriage may have worked themselves out.
If you have ever been blessed to have been at the bedside of a dying family member or friend that fulfilled their vows though, it is a beautiful thing. It is a beautiful thing to witness two people who may have married very young, without any clear idea of what their lives would really be like, who lived out their marriage vows until they took their last breath of life. If you are ever fortunate to witness the fulfillment of a couple’s marriage vows, you will never forget it. Marriage isn’t just a feeling, which can be fleeting at times, but a life long commitment. There is something very beautiful in honoring your commitment to one another through all the trials and tribulations that occur during the course of our lives.
Marriage is the very foundation, or building blocks of our society. Think back to your grandparents and great-grandparents lives. To most of our predecessors, marriage meant something. They were people of integrity. Their “yes” meant “yes” and their “no” meant “no”. Divorce did occur sometimes, but it was rare. This has been true since the very beginning of mankind’s history. Why have so many people turned marriage into a selfish thing to fulfill their own needs, instead of the unselfish way of life our predecessors lived for thousands of years?
We live in a different culture than our grandparents and great-grandparents did, but that is why we are called to be counter cultural.
Daily Mass Readings:
Jas 5: 9-12 / Ps 103: 1-2, 3-4, 8-9, 11-12 / Mk 10: 1-12
