How did you learn how to fillet a fish? To miter a corner? How did you learn how to get a sauce just the right creaminess? To drive a car? Most likely your answer to these questions is that someone showed you how—that person was your mentor.
I wrote about Agnes last week because she told me a story about my grandmother. Agnes was a mentor to me as a young wife and mother. When I met Agnes her children were all grown. She and her husband Greg were often at daily mass. A group of us often went out to breakfast after mass. I had new baby in tow. I had many questions for Agnes and some of the other more experienced women. What do I do when I’ve done everything and he is still crying? What do I do if my husband comes home and there is nothing left of me? Will there ever be time for myself again? How do I find a new balance now there are three of us?
This morning it struck me that when Agnes told me the story of my grandmother, she was mentoring me. She gave me a picture in that story to show me how to balance faith, love of neighbor, home responsibilities, and love for my family. I also learned from her caring for me. I learned because she took time for me. She considered my questions and concerns seriously. I learned because she told me stories from her own experience. I learned because sometimes she just took the baby and showed me what to do.
Agnes was a wonderful example of what the writer to Titus recommended: “You must say what is consistent with sound doctrine, namely…older women should be reverent in their behavior, not slanderers, not addicted to drink, teaching what is good, so that they may train younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, chaste, good homemakers, under the control of their husbands, so that the word of God may not be discredited.”
Mentors are very important people. Psychological research in the 1980s showed that the presence of a mentor made a great difference in resiliency—the ability to overcome difficulties. The research started with children of mentally ill parents. Researchers found that IF a child had ONE mentor to (1) spend quality time with her ; (2) show caring by listening with interest; (3) form a bond that created trust; and (4) give guidance through teaching and example—IF a child had even ONE PERSON to do that, that child was protected from many of the negative effects of lack of parental care or abuse. Later research identified the same scientific truth for others who were vulnerable: those with physical disabilities, prisoners of war, stroke victims, refugees…the list goes on.
Who has been a mentor in your life?
Who have you been a mentor to?
We need mentors in the Christian life. We need people who take the time and trouble to guide us. We need to hear their stories. We need to see the example they give. We need to talk with them about our efforts to live as a Christian, as a Catholic Christian.
It’s hard. The world around us does not give us good example. On this election day in America we are acutely aware that too often our political leaders are not mentors for our Christian walk. We are acutely aware that those who bring us news are too often equally biased in the way they present information to us.
We look for mentors. They can be hard to find.
Jesus gave a good example of mentoring. He mentored his disciples for the three years of his active ministry. The Gospel today comes toward the end of those three years. In the second half of the Gospel of Luke Jesus is on his way to Jerusalem. When Jesus came down from the mountain at the Transfiguration (Luke 9: 28-36) there was a change in him. He continued to teach and heal, but he also began to predict his coming Passion (Luke 9: 43-45). In Luke this begins with Luke 9: 51: “When the days for his being taken up were fulfilled, he resolutely determined to journey to Jerusalem.”
If you read through Luke like you would read a book, you see that once Jesus started his journey to Jerusalem, he mentored his disciples differently. He came down from the mountain and got tougher. Instead of saying come help me teach and feed and cure, he said “No one who sets a hand to the plow and looks to what was left behind is fit for the kingdom of God.” (Luke 9: 62) “I am sending you like lambs among wolves.” (Luke 10: 3) “Do not be afraid of those who kill the body…I shall show you whom to fear. Be afraid of the one who after killing has the power to case into Gehenna.” (Luke 12: 4-5)
Today’s Gospel reading is in Luke 17. In chapter 19, Jesus reaches Jerusalem. This is the final mentoring leg of the trip. Today Jesus is mentoring his disciples to prepare them for the ordinary daily grind of Christian living and ministry. He tells a story of a master who sends his servants out to work in the fields. When they come in at the end of the day, they don’t get to rest. They get to wait on their master some more.
In the culture of the times, this was an ordinary picture of what servants (or slaves) did. The disciples would have accepted this as the way things were supposed to be. If you are a servant, you serve. You do not expect your needs to be met by your master.
Jesus makes his final point: “When you have done all you have been commanded, say, ‘We are unprofitable servants; we have done what we were obliged to do.’”
Oh that political leaders and newscasters had that perspective! But I need not judge…
Coming from the world of humanism and psychology, these are tough words for me. My mentors in the world reinforced my goodness, gave me credit, stroked my ego. A good Christian mentor does that only at the beginning of the Christian journey—like Jesus did.
A good Christian mentor gives the same example as the Christian journey continues that we hear in Titus in today’s first reading: “be self-controlled, sound in faith, temperate, dignified, sound in faith, love, and endurance”—just because this is the expected Christian way to be.
No honor or glory expected from it. It’s just the new normal for bringing about the Kingdom of God.
I remember how Agnes told me that a lot of mothering was picking up toys over and over, putting children in time out again and again, cleaning up the same room multiple times a day. There were those wonderful precious moments, but there were also the repetitive, thankless, hidden boring ones.
Both were part of motherhood. Both were part of being a wife. And both were part of my Catholic Christian walk as a young mother.
Today, my children grown, may I be an Agnes mentor to someone. May I (1) spend quality time (2) show caring (3) form a bond of trust, and (4) give example and guidance to someone today.
Prayer:
Lord, thank you for Agnes and the many mentors I have had in my life. Thank you for the example you gave your disciples, the way you mentor me now through the stories you told them. Give me someone to mentor today. Let me do it as you would. Let me do it as a servant who is just doing what I am supposed to do. I am supposed to do it because that is how the Kingdom of God gets built: one hidden, ordinary self-giving LOVING action at a time. And Lord, on this election day, may there be moral mentors for whoever is elected.
