As a child I was always ambitious. I knew exactly what I wanted to do and planned my life accordingly. So I aced through school and trained in dancing and music (as I love it) and got through medical college with not too much stress. In medical school I was a little taken back by everyone, but then I picked up the pace to end my undergraduate final exams with an amazing score. All this was vital for my one childhood dream – to be a general surgeon! (Like Grey’s Anatomy.)
The operation theater… the scrubs… the entire scene fascinated me for as long as I could remember. I worked really hard for my score to be there, but alas! I missed the seat by one mark!!! My heart broke, my dreams were shattered, everything I ever dreamed of being as a kid, was gone in one mark!
But I don’t give up so easy, so I studied and re-took the exam. This time I cleared with a good ranking but I missed my placement again, so I decided to pick obstetrics and gynecology instead … and so I settled! It made me very resentful and soon the workload just added to my woes.
I was placed in the labor and delivery ward and learned to conduct a vaginal delivery. Initially I was very thrilled about every patient and their newborn, but when I realized that I was being held responsible for these women in labor, and for both of their lives … the stress got the better of me. To put it in simple words – I hated it! I missed the operation theater. I disliked the women who were experiencing the pain and agony of labor, and who did not want to cooperate with all of the help that we could provide them. I would often lose my temper and snap at my patients!
As the years went by during my residency at the hospital, the responsibilities and number of patients increased, and I longed to get away from all of these women in pain. My lack of interest, the stress of a heavy workload, 72 hour weekend shifts, and the constantly critical professors made me hate every bit of being there, and I would often express my displeasure at my juniors and patients by being mean and sarcastic.
Of course that did not go down well with the patients and staff, and the news ultimately reached my boss who asked me for an explanation for my behavior, as it resulted in a bad reputation about my attitude and was causing a lot of negativity. I was given a warning. That day I broke down and my anger reached its peak. So I took time off to rethink my entire career and even considered a resignation.
I turned to the Lord, and then my amazing parents sat me down and talked to me. My mother made me realize it was my own negativity that caused most of the distress in my life, and quitting would never make me happier. I rejoined work with more enthusiasm then ever, worked harder on my job, and controlled my temper. I ensured That every woman who met me as a patient would be treated with the same respect and care as if Jesus dwells in them.
It took a year and half to renew my interest in this beautiful occupation and soon I was called to give lectures on Pro Life to college students and premarital counselling to couples.
I realized it was indeed all meant for a reason. I can still work hard and spread my faith – through everything I do and the patients that I treat. I have cards and gifts from my patients in thankfulness, from so many of the women that I treated. They often visit and invite me to events at their home and wish me well. That has been the most rewarding part of my job.
Today’s Gospel is like me being the lost sheep or the lost coin. God waits for us to return from our sinful ways, with open arms. He searches for each of us who are lost and who are left to cope with our own shortcomings. Not one of us is perfect!
I have no excuse for my bad behavior to others, nothing can change that, but I learned my lesson. The turning point in my life made me realize how much I sinned, and the hurt that I caused people in need. It still hurts me a lot, and I pray every day and ask for forgiveness from our Heavenly Father and these women.
Often in our daily lives we have so many shortcomings. We repeatedly make the same mistakes, either intentionally, due to ignorance, or out of a lack of concern for others, causing sin, and hurting our Lord, our families, and our coworkers (or in my case, random strangers!) In this fast paced world, we often do not even realize that another person is in need of a loving word, a caring smile or just a gesture of courtesy, and above all – a prayer! Let us search through our lives for that one sin that we need to get rid of, and lay it at the feet of Jesus. Ask Him for forgiveness, and repent as He said:
“In just the same way, I tell you, there will be rejoicing among the angels of God over one sinner who repents.”
Prayer:
My Jesus I ask you to help me let go of this sinful behavior which is holding me back from your mercy. Help me return into your arms, Lord. Help me be your child again!
p.s. Please keep me in your prayers.
