As one among 100 students to join medical college in 2006, I was not a stand out— neither did I score awesome at my exams nor did I look gorgeous for the others to notice me … I was a regular pimple faced 17 year old who just could not figure out anything that was being explained in class. I would take my time reading textbooks and figuring stuff on my own or get lucky when some professor also took pains to teach.
While I basically struggled to keep up with classes and make time for my friends and some extra curricular activities of my batch, I would ensure I was invisible during classes. I never asked questions nor did I make an attempt to respond if I knew the answer. I was just being “an average student”.
So when a professor would pick on me to answer a question I would be extremely nervous and flustered. Some days I didnt know and would just stand silent and some days I just looked at my feet till they moved to the next person. All the while I kept thinking, I dont know this stuff, and if I did, I am still unsure and I dont want to show off and what if I am wrong, the entire class will mock me!
As the number decreased, especially in my residency when my professor or seniors mocked me for a mistake or ignorance, I started getting more self conscious and it made me fear making any mistake so much so I would avoid trying or making an attempt… which is the worst way to work through life! All the while I kept wondering ” Why me?”
However as I moved along my years I was under a professor who asked my opinion as we rounded on patients, made me feel comfortable to ask her questions and even better made me think and read more! She assisted me on the operating table with minimum comments on my technique and over the years trusted me blindly with responsibilities. My faith in my capabilities were restored slowly and steadily and I focused on learning more.
Todays Gospel reads about Jesus helping Simon Peter get over this fear of him being unworthy as saint Peter says “Depart from me, Lord, for I am a sinful man.” I would have probably just made an excuse to even sail the boat !!! Why bother embarasing myself to the new preacher in town!!
Instead Jesus knew what and who He needs and responds “Do not be afraid; from now on you will be catching men.”
When they brought their boats to the shore,
they left everything and followed him.
A kind gesture to someone struggling often goes a long way. I havent been kind to others always I must confess , at times I get annoyed at the repeated questions and snap or I would refuse to give them a second chance whether at work and life… however, Jesus had faith in Simon Peter more than he had in himself and that is why he is the gatekeeper of heaven..
Today when the number of critics grow day by day to every action and move and rightly so are people entitled to have an opinion, we often do not for see how it can affect the others self esteem and confidence… a trait a good teacher and human must have at all times.. so that next time anyone of you doubt yourself ( like me) remember the Lord picked a fisherman to be his Gatekeeper!! He has picked something even for you.. just believe and move forward and follow the Lord!!
Prayer:
Thank you Lord for the guidance you give us through the word and commandments. Help me to have faith in your decision for my life and help me to be a beacon of your kindness to every person I know. Amen
