It is not good for the man to be alone – Genesis 2:18. Oh many the love song that has echoed this very sentiment. Together in the garden God and Adam were busy working. God creating things out of the dirt and Adam naming them. All the while searching for “the one”. It must have been a wonderful site to behold. Real male bonding! While we have to assume that Adam was having a jolly ole time there playing in the dirt with God, his heart still ached for his perfect mate.
Then God, after casting Adam into a deep sleep, created the perfect partner for his beloved son. He brought forth Eve into the garden not out of dirt, but out of Adam’s very own flesh. Now Adam’s life could be complete. Together they were created in the very image of God. She would express God’s beautiful feminine love and he God’s strong masculine love. They would give to the other what they could not give themselves. She the tenderness he craves and he the strength she seeks. He will serve and protect her and she will follow and care for him. While individually a man can certainly be tender and a woman strong, together they can be a beautiful expression of Godly love in a way they could not be individually.
So what went wrong? Why do so many couples suffer heartache? Why so many divorces, so many broken homes and injured children? Why do couples inflict such hurt upon each other? God’s Eve was perfect for Adam. Of course the answer my friends is sin. Sin came into the world and the evil one desired to ruin the beautiful and complete love God created in Adam and Eve. He tried to destroy love in the garden and he has not stopped his attack on man and woman today. However, if we are called to live the sacrament of marriage, we can experience the full expression of marital love God originally intended.
While I do not profess to be an expert on marriage, I will share with you that I enjoy a very loving relationship with my husband Scott. People sometimes ask us if we are newlyweds! Having been married for over 25 years we have experienced amazing good times and many moments of heartache as well. Through everything, I could not imagine sharing my life with any other man. Scott is my perfect Adam and I his perfect Eve, sin and all. He needs my feminine love and I his masculine love.
I believe today’s couple can be blessed and experience a deeper love then Adam and Eve could have ever known. A bold statement? Perhaps. You say, Carolyn look around, we were not born in a garden, we were born into a world full of sin and it’s hard here! Yes it is hard here, trust me, I know. Yet, it is exactly the sin that permeates our planet that God can use to draw us nearer to himself. Due to the intimate relationship of married couples marriage is a perfect place for us to grow in Godly love.
Today we are presented with many helpful tools that foster marriage enrichment. I will share with you my three favorites. A book titled “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman, another book titled “His Needs, Her Needs” by Willard F. Harley Jr. and World Wide Marriage Encounter meetings/weekends. All three have helped strengthen my marriage and I believe each has been a gift from God. I highly recommend all three for married couples.
However, as wonderful as the above tools have been in our life, there is more Scott and I have been blessed with. We have been blessed with a love that evolves out of forgiveness. We are each human, and in being so we are going to sin and hurt each other. Remember, the evil one wants to separate you from your spouse just as he separated Adam and Eve from God and he will stop at nothing to accomplish this goal.
Forgiveness takes us beyond the internal yearning we have for our mate’s love and affection. It calls us to be in union with God. Here we can grow beyond the pain and heartache sin brought forth and enter into heightened martial love that God has for couples. Through the lens of forgiveness we see our spouse as human, fragile like ourselves. Instead of demanding that our spouse fulfill our needs, we move into the space where we seek to fulfill their needs without expecting anything in return.
Remember one can only hurt another when there is separation from God. It is exactly at this point of pain when our spouse needs our love the most, when the separation from God has reached such a point that heartache obtains entry into our relationship. For better or worse my friends… (Of course in cases of abuse this is another story.) At the point of pain forgiveness can connect you with the healing love God has for your marriage.
It isn’t easy to forgive when the one who you need love from the most is the very one hurting you. You would probably rather slam the door and storm away or throw the nearest object right in their direction! However, God knows how to heal your relationships in the easiest way possible. He sees the pain you both carry, he alone knows your hearts and he alone can show you how to forgive one another in the most sacred of ways. All we need to do is ask for his help. He will open the door, make no mistake. It may take a while – or not. Persevere and you will finish the race hand-in-hand with the one you love.
Surrender to God in prayer, immerse yourself in his presence during Mass, consume him in the Eucharist, love him in Adoration, and listen to him in his priest. Ask God to heal your marriage and show you the way towards the marital love he intends for you. Remember who authored marriage and who gave it to us – God. Ask God to help you forgive your spouse and while you are at it, ask God to help you forgive yourself. Just as God blessed Adam with his Eve he wants to bless your union and bring it to the fulfillment of Godly marital love.
Happy Valentine’s Day my friends. Go give your spouse a big hug and a yummy smooch!
Jesus – I love you!
