A memory came up on my Facebook page today, from five years ago. It reminded me of something else that had happened that same week, five years ago when I was told I was going to be laid off from my company at the time, a company where I had spent almost 13 years. This single event propelled me into the most trying time in my life, a time where I was soul searching, about what was next, about what my purpose was in life, and questioning why along the way.
It was a time where I had many ups and downs, a bout with depression, and it was a time where I learned a lot about myself, that it was not necessarily about my career, though that was certainly a factor. But that was really only a symptom. That was only on the surface. I learned that my problems were deep down, inside.
And it was a time where I started to find God again, because my relationship with Him up to this point was superficial at best, non-existent at worst. God used this experience over these last five years to expose gaping holes in my life – holes that I was trying to fill with worldly things, and instead, He showed me that the only thing that could fill these holes was Him.
I’m still learning how to fill them completely.
Five years has transpired since that event, and it’s been five years of conversion. And it’s only been in recent weeks where I can start to see the pinnacle of this mountain I am on, a mountain I have been climbing for the last five years.
Conversion. Stability. Obedience. If you have a devotion to St. Benedict and the Benedictine Rule, you may recognize these key tenets. In the last year, I have developed a strong devotion to St. Benedict ever since a visit I had to St. Meinrad, a Benedictine Archabbey in southern Indiana in the United States.
I’m only scratching the surface, but I’ve been working diligently on these tenets within my life with the goal of being able to live intensely in the present moment – any moment in my life. And ultimately, seeing everything I do and experience – the good, the bad, and the ugly – as a prayer. My work is a prayer. Doing things the right way, no matter how big or how small, is a prayer. How I treat my family and others round me is a prayer.
In everything I do, I have a choice – it’s either God’s will or it’s my will. Seeking to choose God’s will in everything, the old WWJD (what would Jesus do) mantra – that is a prayer. I don’t have to be happy about it, or like it. But I rejoice in the fact that God is there, helping me through it, bringing me closer to Him, and that He has something to tell me, showing me a way in which I can grow and shedding light on an issue in my life that needs fixing.
I rejoice in this. I cherish it for what it is, even if the process is difficult and uncomfortable, even painful. I’m learning to see life this way. Learning to be obedient to God’s will is a challenge. Learning to find stability in the present moment and be content, trusting that God will provide at the right time can be trying.
And learning to be patient throughout our conversion, and not expecting a “road to Damascus” moment like St. Paul did, but understanding that conversion into who God designed us to be takes time and can be a long battle.
But this all is what it means to me to pray without ceasing, and in all situations to rejoice and give thanks. And if we all find this, this is how we bring the light of Christ to the world, just as John the Baptist was doing in the desert.
We can be the voice crying out to others who are lost in their own desert, showing them the light of Christ and that He is the answer, and He can bring them out of it.
He can bring you out of it.
Five years I’ve spent being broken down over and over, working through problems – not only in the world, but also deep down and personal, both interrelated, cleaning out my soul, finally facing the demons I didn’t know were there. God was there by my side, teaching me this, shedding the light, making me stronger with every battle.
He was there helping me to lean on Him and see Him in this world, helping me to seek His Spirit in my everyday actions – unceasingly.
In the book Listen My Son, St. Benedict for Fathers, Father Dwight Longenecker describes “this conversion is a lifelong experience…, with the goal with our whole life, body, soul and spirit being converted into the likeness of Christ… where we are constantly aware of God’s presence.”
I’m still learning how to do this. But I feel it’s starting to sink in. And I know it’s in these seasons in life, whether its five years or fifty years, where Christ is teaching us to obey Him, find stability through Him, and constantly converting our life towards Him.
And it’s through these seasons where we can learn to pray unceasingly and learn how we can bring His Light to the darkness that exists in this world through our own actions and how we live.
I’m so thankful for all that has transpired in the last few years. I feel it has made me a better person, a better father and husband, and a better Catholic. It was not always fun, but I rejoice in the lessons learned and in the growth throughout, and I pray that I can rejoice constantly in the present moment moving forward, no matter what that moment is, and project Christ’s light to everyone I encounter throughout, and maintain faith and trust in Him.
What about you?
Where is God in your life? Do you see Him in every moment?
Do you even look for Him? Are you thankful for all that comes your way, if for nothing else than the lesson to be learned?
Do you seek to project Christ to those around you in what you say and do?
It’s a constant conversion, and often can be a tough lesson to learn. But it’s how we can make our life a constant prayer.
And this is Christ’s will for us, and it’s how we bring Him to the world.
Have a blessed Advent!
