I grew up in a very Italian neighborhood in Jersey City, New Jersey in the USA. It was a great place to live. We had a group of friends who lived on several blocks around the area and we would walk to one of the blocks and spend the whole day outside playing box ball, trading baseball cards, playing touch and tackle football, shooting baskets and just having a great time. You knew who the good kids were and which kids you should stay away from. And if you didn’t know, well, your Mother was very sure to remind you. My Mother always told us, “you are the friends you keep”. Meaning, if you hang out with the wrong crowd, you will become one of the “bad kids”. And she had a point. For the most part there was the group that was involved with playing sports and there was also the neighborhood group that smoked, did drugs, drank, got in trouble with the law, etc. Generally, if those were the people you hung out with, that’s who you became. Or at least, that’s the type of person who everyone else assumed you were.
But while I generally went along with this philosophy of my Mother’s, I did make some exceptions. The families in Marion Section (what our neighborhood was called) were very close and very similar. If you were Italian..you married an Italian. And you stayed married. If you were Catholic, and most of us were, you married a Catholic. Its just the way it was.
But there was a kid in my class named Gary. Gary had a brother but his last name was not the same as Gary’s. That was confusing to us. Apparently his Father had been married before and had a son, then married Gary’s Mother. On top of that, his Father was Jewish. It would have been very easy to just say, “Hey, he is not one of us. Let’s not let him play with the rest of us”. But we didn’t. Gary and I became best friends throughout grammar school. He was a jock. Great at every sport. I was book smart and very average at sports. But we hit it off and still stay in touch to this day.
Matthew (or Levi in some of the Gospels) was certainly not one of the “in” crowd that was being assembled by Jesus. The first four apostles were Peter, Andrew, James and John. All fisherman. A noble profession. Matthew was a tax collector. Synonymous with being a sinner. One of the more hated professions in Judea. They collected taxes for the Romans but also collected a bit extra for themselves. No way would Jesus be expected to have someone “like that” as part of his trusted inner circle. But he did. We don’t really know how the rest of the apostles felt about this addition but we do know that the Pharisees were having a hay day with it. How could this Jesus be a man from God if he associated with such riff raff? Jesus’ response here is a line that I think puts his whole ministry into perspective. “Those who are well do not need a physician, but the sick do”.
And there is the rub. How do we reconcile the sage advice of our parents to only associate with people who can best shape our character with the words of Christ that we step out into the real world and not pick and choose only “Brady Bunch” friends (an old American TV show…google it)? I think of movies like “Revenge of the Nerds” or “Animal House” and other summer camp or college based films where there is always this group of fraternity snobs competing against the “less than cool” kids from across the lake or the kids in the “wrong” fraternity. How do we live in the world but not get sucked down into the darker side of that world?
First of all it is by recognizing the difference between the sin and the sinner. Christ asks us to embrace the sinner but avoid the sin. Matthew was a thief. He took money from his fellow citizens and took advantage of his position. But in the face of this he was called by Jesus. This does not mean that Jesus condoned stealing and the way of life Matthew was leading. But Jesus’ love did extend to all, including Matthew. Jesus’ healing and mercy could not be extended unless he established a relationship. A physician cannot treat a disease unless he associates with the patient.
But Jesus and the disciples continued to lead lives focused on God, even after inviting a sinner into their midst. They still went off and prayed, Jesus continued to preach the realities of God, Jesus spent alone time with His Father. In short, they continued to bathe their souls in holiness. They could not avoid the evils of the world they lived in. Nor can we live our lives in a bubble and only associate with “church people”. Many of my friends now do not go to church or have a relationship with God. And that is unfortunate. But I would never abandon them as friends. And there are those that I run into as I live my life who may not be of the best character. But how do they get the see the Glory that is God if those of us who have accepted His Son fail to demonstrate that love and forgiveness? That doesn’t mean that we are perfect either. Far from it. But we are to share Christ’s love with everyone we encounter. Not a select few. We don’t buy into the weaknesses we may find but instead focus on the spark of God that everyone carries.
And we also bathe our souls regularly in God’s grace to give us the tools to be that light to others. To receive the strength of the sacraments, to talk with God regularly, to sit in adoration or just in the quiet of our homes, going on retreats when we can. It is as if we build up the armor of our faith so that we can greet the world but not fall into the evils of the world.
And my friend Gary? Now a man with a great family of his own and a great faith. I would like to think that the “good kids” of Marion had something to do with that.
