News Flash! I am not a perfect person. Now, I know the people who know me best will not be surprised by this statement. Those closest to me are aware of my weaknesses and poor decisions over the course of my life…though infrequent that they have been. 🙂
I used to say that I have only been wrong once in my life. Back in 1972. At that time, I thought I was wrong…but I was wrong. Seriously though, we all put a lot of emphasis on being right. It can lead to serious arguments over who was right about one thing or another. It is as if being wrong displays weakness. It is as if being wrong once can lead to a long slide into inferiority.
And on the other side of the argument are those who hold us to, and remind us of, those times when we were wrong or made an error about something or other. And then there are those who experience that error and decide that your weakness and inferiority no longer should be part of their lives. The cancel culture we are living in is a good example of this. Those who see what they believe to be an error in judgement on your part and feel that should just cut their losses and move on. Second chance? No chance.
I have written previously about the difference between a contract and a covenant. How a contract is a legal agreement between parties that outlines exactly what will happen if one of the parties fails to abide by the specifics of the contract. How division will occur. Of course, there are those that just decide that the contract no longer applies and they unilaterally dissolve it. The cost to the offended party to try to get the other to adhere to the agreement is often more than it is worth to defend the contract so it becomes null and void by default.
A covenant, however, is an agreement between parties that has no end, except for the death of one of the persons. It is a promise, often not even written down, that both parties will adhere to an agreement…NO MATTER WHAT. The two most recognized covenants are marriage vows and holy orders. Covenants are promises, not an agreement. It is a promise to do something for the other party…REGARDLESS OF THE ACTIONS OF THE OTHER PARTY. That is the key. In today’s first reading from Exodus, God makes a promise to Moses that the Israelites will be God’s Chosen People. If this were a contract, God would have required the Israelites to perform a task and, if they fail to perform this task, the contract is cancelled. We know God asks His people to always follow His law and commandments and to not be swayed by false gods. We also know that the Israelites failed to uphold their end of the deal many, many, many…did I say many…times. But God remained faithful to His promise. While the Israelites suffered the consequences of their actions, such as exile in Babylon, God never went back on His promise. They remained His Chosen People designed to bring the truth of His kingdom to the world and prepare it for the coming of Jesus the Messiah.
Back to me not being perfect. A perfect husband I am not. A perfect Father? Hardly. Son? Brother? Guess again. But I am still married. Still a Father and a brother. Imperfect though I be. The covenant of marriage that my parents made led to me as a son and me as a brother. It also led to me marrying Elise and having children. My parent’s marriage was far, far from perfect. Lots of arguing and disagreements. It was partly because of the arguing that I decided to go to college out of state. But my parent’s commitment to one another, in the face of those disagreements led to my life and the life of my children and their children. They remained together in spite of life’s imperfections.
And that, in my opinion, is the beauty of a covenant. At least a covenant that is taken seriously. This binding of people together by a promise and a vow allows for the parties to be imperfect, to be wrong, but remain in the covenant. To be allowed to error, learn and grow. We all make mistakes but when those mistakes result in a severing of relationship then we become more reluctant to enter into relationship again for fear of being hurt. We are reluctant to try for fear of being wrong and losing someone in the process.
But in a covenant we are committed to remaining in that relationship. Allowing the parties the opportunity to be wrong, to learn and to mature. I am teaching a parenting class at a local correction center and at a pregnancy center here in Pennsylvania. The hardest part is realizing all the mistakes I made with my children as they were growing up. In each lesson I get a virtual slap in the face as I discover how I could have better handled a situation.
I was talking with Elise recently about taking the kids to church when they were young. I sang in the choir and, as a result, Elise and the kids were in the pew alone during services. During the readings, the homily and the Eucharist. Leaving it up to Elise to convey the lessons to our children by herself without my input. Love is sacrifice. I allowed my desire to perform to get in the way to teach the faith to our children.
But those errors in marriage and in child raising did not result in Elise leaving me or my children disavowing their Father. I got another chance…and another…and another. We had made a promise to one another, as did my parents, to stay with it. To support each other. And to forgive one another.
I realize that there are marriages that are not safe. Are abusive. How do we remain committed to a marriage where one of the partners is violent or has an addiction? I don’t believe anyone would ask a person to remain in a home where the potential of violence, injury or death is a possibility. But the vow remains. Even if living together is not possible.
I am currently listening to Father Mike Schmitz’s Catechism in a Year podcast and we have just finished the section on the sacrament of Reconciliation. One point he made was that we can forgive someone but we do not necessarily have to reconcile. He gave the example of loaning someone your car and then they have an accident with it. We can forgive their mistake but we do not have to loan them our car again. We can forgive but we do not have to put ourselves back into a bad situation. The covenant, the vow, the promise remains and survives through forgiveness.
Forgiveness. It is the key to a covenant.
“Forgive us our trespasses,
as we forgive those who trespass against us”
