As many of you know, my youngest son is a little different. Diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome when he was nine-years-old, he does not catch onto things easily, is often frustrated, can be difficult to reason with, and more set in his ways than a 90-year-old man. He also thinks deep thoughts, tends to see the best in people, takes pleasure in the smallest things and despite being a man, has the faith of a child. To put it plainly, the kid can best be described as “quirky.” It just depends on the day.
In fact, I often say living with him is akin to living with Sheldon Cooper from the Big Bang Theory…minus the astrophysicist part. Over the years, I have learned to pick my battles and not argue when he wants to wear a Doctor Who scarf in 90- degree heat. I have tackled him to the ground in order to comb his unruly hair and I have spent countless hours trying to unravel whatever mess he’s managed to get himself into on any given day.
On the one hand, I am fortunate that he has such a high-functioning form of autism. On the other hand – he has a high-functioning form of Autism. It’s not severe enough for most people to notice it, but he’s not ordinary enough to be considered (for lack of a better word) “normal.” Make no mistake; I do not envy parents whose children are more severe than my own. I merely wish my son were not in such a strange in-between place on the spectrum that causes him to fall between the cracks. Believe me, it can lead to a LOT of trouble.
“Mom, would you change me if you could?” he asked out of the blue one day.
I thought I knew what he was asking, but I feigned ignorance to buy time. “What do you mean, ‘change you?’”
“I mean my Aspergers. It causes so many problems for me not to mention headaches for you. If there was a way to get rid of it, would you do it?”
Would I?I wondered, contemplating it for the first time. Sure it might make his life a lot less difficult, but there would almost certainly be a downside. What if the cons outweighed the pros? Would he still be the kind, loving and caring person that I raised or would he be cynical and sullen? Would he still like the Beatles or would he be more of a Nirvana fan? Would be become some genius mathematician making big important discoveries, but no longer able to make me laugh with the way he twists the English language around?
The question caused me to think about today’s gospel and how Jesus cautions against premature weeding. If my son had asked me the same thing when he was diagnosed, I might have had a different answer. I might have said yes right away because no parent wants their child to suffer with even the most minor of conditions. But by watching him grow and seeing the strength, size and yield of his crop I have been able to help manage the weeds and learn to appreciate the sizable harvest that remains.
Anyone who has done any gardening knows that if you do a lot of picking around plants, you run the risk of causing permanent damage. Sometimes it is better to work around the persistent, but non-invasive weed rather than risk the upending of the little flower you have planted.
“No, Son…I would not change you,” I told him. “God made you exactly who He wanted you to be here on Earth and who would I be to change the very thing that makes you YOU? One day, God will take away the condition that plagues you and weeds that grow around all of us, but until then, we are meant to bloom where we are planted and trust that as long as we endure, we will grow toward the Son.”
Today’s readings for Mass: EX 24: 3-8; PS 50: 1B-2, 5-6, 14-15; MT 13:24-30
