I remember the day my son was born. I remember every detail. At that moment I first saw him, I felt an emotion I have yet to be able to explain with words. Up to that point, I had been afraid. I had feared being a father. I had feared being responsible for another person, and what if I mess up? There’s a life at stake here, someone else’s. I had feared all that was to come because it was unknown to me. I did not know what to expect.
I was afraid of the sleepless nights, the messes, the potty training, the discipline and being able to tell him no when I needed to. I was afraid of the decisions I would have to make, and mostly, I was afraid that it wasn’t all about just my wife and I anymore. We could no longer simply do whatever we wanted at the drop of a hat, because we were now responsible for this child who has come into our lives.
But then I saw him, and all those fears went away. The emotion had overcome me, and what I witnessed was a pure miracle. God’s handiwork. And it was amazing! I let my emotions take over. I let my guard down and any fear I had was immediately replaced by love. It was the most unbelievable, amazing, joyful love I had every felt. I could not really find the words to explain it. It was a perfect love, and I just had a glimpse of it.
This is what the first reading is about today. As St. John writes:
“God is love, and whoever remains in love remains in God and God in him.”
That day, I felt that I was in God and God was in me. I felt I truly experienced the most wonderful thing that God can do – the birth of a child. It was a perfect love that drove out any fear in me about having a son, and that’s exactly what John says later in his first letter:
“There is no fear in love, but perfect love drives out fear because fear has to do with punishment, and so one who fears is not yet perfect in love.”
Did I know there would be challenging times ahead? Sure. But I was no longer scared. I was no longer afraid because I loved this new little person so much that I would do anything for him. It just felt right. I would let my guard down, knowing that there would be days ahead that would be tough, and later in life we may have arguments and fights. There will be days when he resents me, and there will be times when I do not like the decisions he makes, but I will never stop loving this little guy no matter how old or big he gets.
This has to be how God feels about each of us. I know that my heart aches when my son is sad, or sick, or hurting, or making bad decisions. Imagine how Christ feels about us. I guess we know why Jesus sweat blood in the garden before they arrested Him. His heart ached that much for us, that He sweat blood! His love is a perfect love, and He wasn’t afraid of how we would turn away from Him – He loves us anyway. This is the love that we need to have for each other, not only our kids, but our spouses, our friends, and our neighbors. Strangers on the street. Everyone. And we most definitely need to have this love for Christ.
So many times, though, we’re afraid. We’re afraid to let our guard down and tell people how we feel. We’re afraid to show our emotions. We’re afraid to talk about our faith and our spirituality, and we’re afraid to cry. So often, we keep the things people do and say to us deep inside and we may “love them on the surface”, but deep down we’re hurt. And so many times this is not with strangers on the street, but with those close to us. Our sons and daughters. Husbands and wives.
Families and friendships can be destroyed because people are afraid to love. We are afraid we will be hurt, so we keep things inside; we keep our cards close to our chest. We get so afraid that we will be let down, that we choose to keep our guard up and try to be tough. This is the same with our faith.
God gives us signs all the time of His wonderful love and His awesome power, yet we fail to see it. We may hear Him, but we don’t listen. We may observe Him, but we don’t see Him. This is the point that Jesus tries to make to His disciples on the Sea of Galilee. At this point in Mark’s Gospel, Jesus had just multiplied the loves for the 5000 and then when His friends were out on the sea in rough waters, he walks out there on the waves and calms them. Yet the disciples still don’t see Him for who he is. They don’t understand that perfect love, and they are afraid, and as Mark writes, “their hearts were hardened.”
How often do we not see God for who He is? How often do we not see each other? How often have we let our hearts be hardened by this world and by what others, including our families, have done or said to us? How often have we failed to let our guard down and simply love someone for who they are because we were afraid of what they or others would think? How often have we failed to love God for who He is and what He can do because we are afraid of Him and that we are not worthy of His love and forgiveness, and His grace and power?
Maybe this is how the disciples felt in that boat. Maybe they simply felt scared and that they were not worthy of His love, and they were afraid to go out on a limb for Him, even though they had just seen two miracles. Maybe they felt it was too good to be true, like many of us do about good things that happen in this world.
Jesus said, “Take courage, it is I, do not be afraid!”
That’s all we need to do. That’s all we need to experience a perfect love. When I saw my son for the first time six years ago, like all parents, I experienced this type of love. But this is just a fraction of the love that Christ has for us. God loves us more than we can imagine, more than we could ever love anyone, and we need not be afraid when we experience this type of love. And we need not be afraid in whatever we do or encounter because Christ will walk across that water to calm us when we least expect it.
For so long I could not find the words to explain this type of love, but all I needed was two – Perfect Love.
