There are many reasons for the elder members of our families to move into an assisted living facility. Often, their lives are enriched and lengthened because they are surrounded by other people. They are busy doing Bible studies, art activities, games, and field trips. They have healthy and varied foods to eat, and someone else is there to remind them to take their medicine and remember to use their cane.
Through Eucharistic ministry to the Carebound, I have spent many pleasant hours in some of our local assisted living residences. At the same time, my mother very much wanted to stay at home. When she needed assistance with daily living activities, she found a neighbor to first come four hours a day, then six, then eight—until, the last year of her life, she required 24-hour care.
Mother’s ability to manage her need for assistance when it was limited was good for her and good for me. Her companion took her to doctor appointments, to the grocery, and sometimes to visit friends. She cooked exactly what mother wanted (if not exactly the way mother wanted it cooked!) That gave mother a sense of control over her life, while she also had what she needed to stay healthy and safe.
It was a help to me, too. I was an only child widow, still working, still with a life of my own. I spent part of each Saturday and Sunday with Mother and talked to her each day, but I had the assurance that she was well cared for without totally depending on me. Mother was able to stay at night by herself, to manage a farm, and to go to church frequently until she was more than 94 years old—even though macular degeneration made her legally blind the last six years of her life.
Perhaps because our parish is gearing up to return to taking communion to the Carebound in the next few weeks, all of this came to mind when I read today’s Gospel.
Jesus’ Plan for Eldercare for His Mother: Good Friday
We hear two parts of Jesus’ eldercare plan for his mother in today’s readings. A third part we heard in the first reading for Pentecost.
The scene in the Gospel is the Crucifixion. Some of Jesus’ Last Words from the cross were part of his plan for the care of his mother. To Mary, he said, “Woman, behold, your son.” To John, “Behold, your mother.” He was very near death. Jesus had kept Mary with him up until the end. She was with him in Jerusalem. It makes sense to me that she helped prepare “the Last Supper,” ate it with other women disciples, and washed the dishes while Jesus spent those last three free hours in prayer at Gethsemane (though this is not specifically mentioned in Scripture).
She was there, on the street, as he carried his cross. He met her early on the Way of the Cross. She followed him, stood close to him beneath the cross, and mothered him with all her soul and love. She held him in her arms, the touching Pieta scene, before he was laid in the tomb.
Then, John “took her into his home” as Jesus had asked him to do. Tradition says she stayed with John the rest of her earthly life.
Jesus Plan for Eldercare for His Mother: Pentecost
John’s home must have been in Jerusalem, at least for the early days post-Easter, because Mary was with the disciples, meeting in the Upper Room between Ascension and Pentecost. Acts 1:14 tells us this. Mary was among those in the Upper Room when the Holy Spirit came on Pentecost. She, too, was filled with the Holy Spirit.
What a wonderful way for Jesus to care for his mother! He returned to be within her—not as he had been within her womb before he was born, but within her as Spirit—as HOLY SPIRIT—as the Grace and Presence of God in her heart, mind, and soul! He, in his Divinity, came home to her and filled her. What joy for her that must have been! Present at Pentecost, Mary became the Mother of the Church. This title has been given to her through the ages, even though this Marian feast was declared by Pope Francis only a few years ago.
As John’s mother and Mother of the Church, she became our mother. What do mothers do? They care for their children. They teach them. They comfort them at times and prod them at others. Always they believe in their children and seek their good. They love them!
As Mother of the Church, Mary has done all this through the ages.
Jesus Plan for Eldercare for His Mother: In the Beginning
But this eldercare plan for Mary was not something that Jesus and the Father worked out as the crucifixion drew near. It was not an eldercare plan, like ours for our parents, that depend on matters like physical or mental capacities. Mary’s plan and role came from the Beginning, as we hear in today’s first reading. We hear in Genesis, “I will put enmity between you [the serpent] and the woman, and between your offspring and hers; he will strike at your head, while you strike at his heel.”
Mary’s love and fidelity are very, very powerful. Father, Son, and Holy Spirit chose her, from the beginning of time, to fight against evil—to build the Kingdom of God. She seeks not only our individual goods, but the good of “the Father’s business,” creating the Kingdom of God on earth to counter the forces of evil.
Back to the Here and Now
Jesus’ eldercare plan for Mary demonstrates not only his care for the world, but also his great care for his mother. He not only arranged for her physical care (and her eventual Assumption and Coronation as Queen of Heaven); he also arranged for her to maintain an ongoing dignity within the Church. He arranged for her to mother through the centuries.
I think in many ways we all yearn to be mothered, to have the loving care of parents to care for us—even if we are 30, 40, 60, 80 years old ourselves. Sometimes, for our elders, children and grand-children provide that loving care. Sometimes, for our elders, assisted living facilities and nursing homes provide it. Often there are elements of both in our eldercare plans.
From Jesus, today, the message to me is that Jesus found a way to care for his mother that gave her great dignity and much usefulness. How many million times a day does someone say, “Hail Mary, full of grace…?” How many miracles and ordinary comforts has Mary given? How much do we, the Church today, depend on her?
And, as Pope Francis has also pointed out in this Year of St. Joseph, he cared for his earthly father, too. Though tradition says that St. Joseph died before Jesus’ active ministry began, he, too, is model, icon, and source of help for us. He, too, is a light and help for the Church. He, too, can parent us.
As I reflect on the Scripture readings for today, I am reminded that as Jesus cared for his parents while caring for us, he valued them for their parenting of him, for their ability to parent, and for their own personal needs. May we, as we care for aging parents, find care for them that respects their gifts and their dignity, as well as acknowledges needs for caregiving by others as people age. May we follow Jesus to give our elders the best of care.
Prayer:
Mary and Joseph, pray for us! Be parents for us children across the lifespan. Be parents for our Church. Be parents to our world. And lead families today to love their elders as you were loved.
