These words caught my attention today, in the first reading for Mass from the book of the prophet Hosea, “For it is love that I desire, not sacrifice”.
I made a lot of sacrifices over the years for my family, Jesus Christ and His Holy Church too. But, looking back on my life I often wonder if it made any difference? Has a lasting good resulted from the sacrifices that I made?
At the time it seemed that it was the right thing to do. By giving up less important things, it made more room in my life for God, for Jesus and His holy church, and for my family. I thought if I gave up the extra income and was a stay-at-home mom, or worked part-time that my children would know how much I loved them. I did a lot of things with my children and sacrificed a lot of my free time as a parent, so my children could participate in after school activities. New cars, nice clothes, dinners out with my husband, vacations, education for myself, etc. was put on hold while our children were small.
Later when the children were older, I worked part-time and volunteered in church ministry part-time. Then when our children grew up and left home, I devoted a lot more hours in ministry at a local women’s prison, our parish, and with this website.
About a year and a half ago though, I moved 2,500 miles across the country to live close to our children and granddaughter. I permanently left behind an 8 year ministry with the inmates that I loved. I also lived away from my husband for one whole year while I looked for a job, and a place for us to live. (We couldn’t afford to move without my income from a new job.) I did without the ordinary comforts of life during that year, including air conditioning, a washing machine, meals out, real furniture, etc. I felt guilty even taking an unnecessary drive to see the sights near our new home. And, I missed my husband and my friends terribly.
Were the sacrifices worth it? On the surface of things it may not seem so – because I made those sacrifices imperfectly. I looked at today’s gospel and saw myself, as the sinner who stood from afar. I remembered the mistakes I made in my weekly budget this past year, the moments of weakness when I did something extra on a holiday, or bought a new outfit to wear to work on my new job. I could have gotten by with less. I could have visited my granddaughter more … a thousand little things come to mind that I could have done better.
But, when I finally went back to help my husband move to our new home – it was worth it. No matter how imperfect our marriage or our family life is – I still love my husband very much. Half of me was missing. He said half of him was missing too, a big empty place in his life. We were incomplete without each other. But we have each other now, two parts of the same whole. I am grateful for our relationship and will never take it for granted again. I remember our life together, the sweetness and the unpleasant times too, but we were always – together. We look forward to the future together and a chance to finish our lives with one another. To keep a promise we made to each other 32 years ago.
My husband’s face lights up with joy when he sees our little granddaughter now. He is suddenly a gentler person with her, and our children, and with me too. Time apart has helped us to never take each other for granted again. We know what life feels like without the other.
And, our Catholic faith is the one enduring thing that we have been able to rely on during our entire married life. Jesus is now and always will be, the third person in our marriage. God guided our paths and reunited our family again and my cup is overflowing. My heart is very full.
God tremendously blessed us with His love because our family is now a real family again. My daughter sent me a text when she got a new job, and then again when she found a new boyfriend. She thinks that she wants to marry him and he fits in our family really well. I have already grown to love him too. Our son just called me a moment ago. He’s pretty sure he is going to be offered a good job after his interview today. He just had to share his exciting news with me. Next week we are taking his daughter to the zoo.
The ministry that I volunteer in now is a beautiful thing. The inmates that I work with are very welcoming, devout, and uplifting. They actually bring me much more joy than I bring to them. They are like an extended family to me now. I can not even begin to picture a more fulfilling ministry, (other than this website). The writers on this website are like an extended family to me too. We cover for each other and support one another and even though we have never met in person, they are a very real, important part of my life.
And you, dear readers … we feel a deep connection with you too, no matter where you happen to live, even if we never have a chance to meet you in person. Your comments make you so much more real to us. It fills us with joy that we are able to connect with you in this way, in our everyday lives. We encounter our fellow Catholics throughout the world that we may never meet in person, but whose hearts are like our own. We are one body in Christ and you are our extended family too. You have changed all of our lives for the better. We feel humbled and graced, by your presence here.
What is the point of today’s readings for Mass? For that matter, what is the point of our entire existence in life?
LOVE is the reason that we are alive and that we even have a life. Love is also the reason we are able to look forward to eternity with God, Jesus Christ, and all the people that we love one day.
Yes, we are imperfect. Our lives are imperfect. We have weaknesses and flaws and we often fall into sin, but love is what shines through the tapestry of our lives. The real threads of our life are the bonds of love – not the sacrifices that we made along the way.
Daily Mass Readings:
Hosea 6: 1-6; Psalm 51; Luke 18: 9-14
