We’ve had two very difficult subjects in the readings for mass yesterday and today as well. Yesterday was about hell and today is about divorce. It would be simpler to avoid these two subjects altogether. If we were in a social gathering we might not want to bring these subjects up at all for fear it would hurt or offend someone. Even when we are with our own family and friends these two subjects are very difficult and often painful, to talk about. What about today? We could ignore the Gospel reading altogether because Christ’s teaching about divorce is hard, and move on to the first reading for mass today which is about friendship instead.
Ok, let’s do that. The first reading today explains about surface friendships, social friendships, fair weather friends and friends who turn against you and talk bad about you to other people. There are friends who associate with you because of your wealth or social position but then they abandon you if you lose your position or are no longer wealthy. The book of Wisdom tells us to not trust new friends too quickly, but to be on our guard with them. Not everyone who says they are your friend, turns out to really be a friend. Sometimes friendships are formed quickly, but that’s often the exception. Usually friendships made on the spur of the moment doesn’t last over the long term. It takes time to get to know a person and a genuine friendship takes time to grow.
Genuine friendship is hard to find. Even if you have a lot of friends, you are lucky if you have one close friend. A best friend is there for you and you are there for them through all of life’s ups and downs. You know you have a long term friendship with someone if they are able to forgive you. Sooner or later, you will hurt their feelings, but if they stay friends with you afterward and forgive and forget the offense, then they do really care about you. No genuine friendship exists without the ability to forgive. Friends come from all different walks of life and are each a treasure in their own right, but the Catholic friends we have are special in a different way, because we share a love for the Lord and for our faith. That common bond is always there, ever new and fresh, yet durable and dependable for the long term.
If you don’t know how to find a close friend, the surest way to do so is to pursue what you love. Get involved in what you are passionate about and you will meet others who are passionate about the same things you are. Catholic friends love the Lord Jesus Christ just as much as you do and you will share this common bond with each other. It is a beautiful foundation to build a friendship on, that will not be blown about by the storms of life as much. Even though the storms come, you pray for one another and support one another. Sometimes life is too hard to handle for one reason or another and you just can’t seem to pray, but that’s ok because that is what friends are for. They step in and pray for you.
The book of Wisdom actually just gave us some excellent advise on how good Catholic marriages are formed. If you re-read the first reading for mass today and pay closer attention to it, then it is actually a very good guide for the dating process as well! Yes, if you marry your best friend, when the honeymoon wears off (and it will) then you are still left with your best friend.
However sometimes we rush into a romantic relationship too hastily, without really spending the time to get to know one another and let the relationship grow naturally. The book of Wisdom says “When you gain friends, gain them through testing and do not trust them hastily” and that is the right way to look at the dating process too. The first reading today explains about the difference between surface love and genuine love, if you just take out the word friend and replace it with “boyfriend” or “girlfriend”. This entire reading is an excellent guide for dating.
Unfortunately, many people get married that rushed into it too quickly, before they really got a chance to know one another and then they later find out that the person they married isn’t who they thought they were, but it’s a little late by then.
Marriage isn’t about self fulfillment though. We can’t expect another person to fulfill all our wants and needs. If we were to do that, we would have no need for God. Our relationship with God should always remain our first priority because He is the foundation of our lives. Without this stability, marriages can easily disintegrate.
We need to allow other people into our lives to love too, because they can fulfill a part of ourselves that our spouse can not fill. Expecting our spouse to fulfill every area of our lives is unrealistic. Friendships can be healthy for a marriage for that reason and because they will help buffer some of the storms that people experience in their marriages too.
However, yes, we are to raise a family too, but the main focus between a husband and a wife for the long term should be to support one another and pray for one another and to help one another make it to heaven.
True love, genuine love, is to desire the ultimate good for another person.
This is a phrase well worth writing down and remembering and if you doubt it’s validity, you can ask a priest about it. But, genuine love always desires the ultimate good for another person. The ultimate good for your spouse is to seek their salvation for eternal life.
One last thought about divorce. Divorces often occur because one spouse can not forgive the other spouse. Sometimes there are very justifiable reasons for divorces like domestic violence though. However, whether you are married, divorced or even dating someone, forgiveness is the main ingredient for healing any rifts that occur.
