As a young, over-enthusiastic, workaholic resident doctor who had just cleared her masters exams and started working on my own, taking guidance from my senior colleague, it came as a shock and surprise when the boss decided that my unit could function with out one of the senior residents and I was left alone to manage 6 junior resident doctors, a bunch of interns and wards full of pregnant women.
I was scared and terrified of making an error in my judgement and management and never mustered the courage to ask my senior on call for some guidance until really needed. My anxiety was an all time high and my temper would make me snap at every minor inconvenience in patient care and treatment plan.
While I worked day and night to keep track of patients and teach undergraduates, ensuring my sanity , I began to gain confidence in my skills. My speed and accuracy at surgeries had improved drastically as I knew I had no one to fall back on for support and my decisions were final for patient management. In short, I was on top of my game.
The one thing that kept me going besides the enormous amount of adrenaline pumping through me every morning was when I parked my car in the parking lot. I would take a minute or two of a breather, shut my eyes and just say one line ” dear Lord let no mother or baby have any complications today.” I guess the greatest strength and my rock was not just my own self confidence and self reliance but the fact that my day started with Him being my rock.
Those 4 months prepared me so well for the training for the rest of my career as a resident doctor that on my last weekend 60 hour shift, my team handles 26 normal deliveries, 10 c sections and managed one serious patient off the ICU with every woman and child in healthy and optimum condition.
Often we are carried away by these self help books and motivational speakers who make life seem so easy like a series of routines and steps but very few actually focus on faith being the mainstay. I remember praying for every patient with a complication and telling my family to join in too , so that we can help them through their hard time. I do not say or opine that science has no role but the best part about being a doctor is watching miracles happen everyday right before you and via your hands and decisions.
Today as we are limping back slowly into normalcy after this unforseen pandemic situation, life is not the same. We still have so much fear and anxiety, it is only through complete surrender to Him that can we contemplate having a little stability. Let us rebuild our homes of faith on this rock of Jesus by daily devotions to mother mary.
Prayer: Hear me oh lord and my anxiety of the future. Help me go through each day at a time with faith in you and with heaven as the ultimate goal. Amen
