Why do we choose marriage? I heard someone say once that we get married because we want a witness to our lives. But this can mean sequential marriage with several spouses throughout our life. What makes a man or woman decide to spend their lives with one person? Now I am talking here about a faithful and sacramental marriage. Not the kind that has its origins in a civil sense, where a contract exists between the parties. A legal arrangement if you will.
No, I am talking about a marriage that is entered between two faithful people. Where God is the center of their lives. I remember a few years ago, I was on a motorcycle ride in the Nevada desert in the USA. We got to talking about marriage and this one guy mentioned he was committed to his wife. I told him that this was great but I had always believed that the commitment should not be towards another person but towards his marriage. People will always fall short of your expectations at some point. But if your commitment is to marriage, and it is a marriage with God at its core, this can never fail. It will never disappoint. Your effort will be to preserve what God had established for the two of you.
This is different than the contract that is made in a court house. Marriage is not a contract where the actions of one party can render the deal null and void. It is in fact a covenant. It is binding forever regardless of the actions of either party. It is like God’s covenant with Abraham or with Noah, or Jesus’ covenant with us when he sacrificed himself for our sins.
So, why do we get married? Because we can be imperfect as spouses but know your partner will be there for you to help you get through since the marriage covenant cannot be dissolved. It is the center. It is perfection. It is eternal. Just like our relationship with the Father.
My wife, Elise, and I have been married 31 years. There have been some great times and some rocky times. These seemed to correspond to when our children were teenagers, as I think about it. But our lives, and our marriage, have their foundation in our belief in God. And I truly believe we would have succumbed to life’s pressures if this was not the case.
One of the ministries we participate in at our parish is working with engaged couples in the FOCUS program. Each person completes a series of questions involving finances, family, sex, faith, children, etc. It is a way for couples to learn more about each other before the wedding day. To find where their issues may lie. I thought about this when looking at today’s first reading from Sirach. It talks about finding a faithful friend and testing that friend. This is kind of what is done during FOCUS. The couple explores and tests each other so that, ultimately, they marry a confidant and not just an acquaintance. To have a covenant and not just a contract.
Daily Mass Readings:
Sir 6: 5-17; Ps 119; Mk 10:1-12
