In my practice I sit with broken hearted-parents (and grandparents) on a regular basis, doing my best to help them move through their family struggles. They often seek to understand the root of their pain, which is often found in the suffering their children experience. At some level all parents experience pain when they witness their children suffer. Yet, there is hope and cause for celebration amidst our pain. Real freedom is possible.
Understanding Ourselves
Each and every one of us will get “stuck” somewhere in what I call the Nine Faces of Struggle; parents and children alike. The key to moving through and overcoming these roadblocks is found all around us. We live within the milieu of freedom offered by Christ, yet, we must surrender to his will before we can experience its healing effects. We must allow Jesus to “take the wheel”, trusting he will guide us perfectly through every stage of our lives.
While all stages of life present beautiful opportunities for spiritual growth, young adulthood presents a unique opportunity. Finding ourselves, while seeking freedom in our quest for happiness, becomes a priority in this stage of our lives. Our brains, with it’s changing hormones, are wired to seek new adventures and to take risks in an attempt to create a life separate from our parents. This adventurous spirit helps us to “leave the nest” and seek a life of our own. We are on the road to becoming our own person at this stage and we often hold great dreams in our hearts.
Meanwhile parents sit by and watch their children all too frequently commit “mistakes” reminiscent of their own youth. Countless times have I heard, or thought to myself – “If only my children (or grandchildren) would listen and head my words, then they wouldn’t have to suffer.” Sadly, guilt and shame often settle into a parent’s heart as they feel helpless to protect their quasi adult children from pain and heartache. Yet, children must experience life with all its ups and downs in order to fully experience ownership of their lives.
Paul Understands A Parent’s Love
This great saint experienced parental longing and heartache when he looked at the Jewish people – his people. His words in today’s first reading are powerful; “For I could wish that I myself were accursed and cut off from Christ
for the sake of my own people, my kindred according to the flesh.” His love for his people was deep indeed, reminiscent of parental love. Yet, Saint Paul was forced to sit by helplessly as he witnessed his people turn away from Jesus Christ – the One who is the source of true human freedom. The Jews were the chosen people, set aside by God to be a light for the world and Jesus was one of their own. God himself came into the world as a Jew in the person of Jesus. Every opportunity for infinite blessings and happiness was in the midst of the Jewish people. However, they cruelly rejected the source of life and freedom and Paul sat helpless to make a change in their hearts.
Paul, while knowing the truth about the saving freedom found in Jesus Christ, was unable to open the eyes of all his people. Being a Roman citizen, a Roman soldier, a former persecutor of Christians, and a Jew, Paul carried within his heart a wisdom that must have contributed to profound heaviness of heart. He understood the saving power of Jesus Christ against the background of his own rejection of him and he still couldn’t open the eyes of all Jews.
Witnessing his own people reject Jesus, Paul was left unable to point them into freedom. No true sign-post leading into freedom existed as long as they rejected Jesus Christ. Much like a parent must endure the pain of watching their children make mistakes, Paul had to find the inner strength to endure this trial. We too must persevere like Paul.
Boundless, Infinite Love
In today’s Gospel Jesus reveals the power of parental love. “Who among you, if your son or ox falls into a cistern, would not immediately pull him out on the Sabbath day?” A human parent’s love for their children can run deep. Why? Because God is love and he created mankind out of this love. His divine parental love is the template for human parental love.
However, God’s love expands infinitely beyond human love. His perfect love is eternal and limitless, extending to all his children. Those who seek him and those who, out of youthful unawareness, miss the mark are all held in his arms. We are all blanketed by God’s parental love and we can trust that he will parent those we love as well – young and old alike. Paul trusted in God’s love for the Jewish people and we must trust in him too.
Human Parents
As we move through life we tend to grow in wisdom, and hopefully, our relationship with God deepens. Reflecting back on my life I witness a few significant accelerated periods of spiritual growth and two truths stand out to me. Pain and heartache always preceded an increase in spiritual growth and God was always present in the midst of the pain – even when I didn’t understand it was him who was comforting me. As much as I would like to somehow magically impart this wisdom into the hearts and minds of my children I cannot, no parent can. All parents must sit patiently by as Paul did, trusting in the all-powerful parental love of God while continually turning to him for support and guidance.
Choosing Love – What Life As Taught Me So Far
Through my spiritual journey I have picked up a few pearls along the way. Behaviors that help me to more fully surrender to God. They are all rooted in love; little questions, thoughts, and affirmations I speak to myself. I have shared a portion of them here in the hope that they will help you find greater freedom and peace in your life. Mind you, I have in no way perfected the art of full surrender to God – I am a work in progress as well my friends!
My Little Pearls
– Before speaking, acting or responding to another I must first stop, pause, and ask if what I am about to do or say is kind and loving. I call is a “Heart Check”.
– Will my response or behavior help the other or will it hurt them?
– Remaining ever mindful of choosing the path into love and kindness, the path of God, is the key to freedom.
– When I see another suffer, especially one of my children, I must stop and ask myself if I projecting my failings and short comings into the situation?
– When I am projecting my own personal unresolved issues into a relationship I must stop and seek Christ, asking him how to help me move through my personal issues and struggles.
– Remember to stay in the present moment and not worry. Worry takes me into a yet to be determined point in the future, a moment that has not yet happened.
– Finding gratitude in the present moment helps shift my thoughts away from worry and into peace.
– Lastly, remember to seek the guidance of the Blessed Mother. Her motherly love will comfort and nurture in ways that are beyond my human comprehension.
Nine Faces of Struggle
The Nine Faces of Struggle are common blocks I have found throughout my work, blocks that wall off our heart from receiving the fullness of God’s love. To become fully alive we must break through these blocks with the aid of Jesus Christ. As we break through these blocks doors will open for God’s healing love to pour into our hearts. If you would like to read about these common struggles I invite to read one of my blog posts here: Nine Faces of Struggle
God bless all of you – see you next week Friday! – Carolyn
Sacred Heart of Jesus – have mercy on us.
Father God – consume us.
Holy Spirit – enter into us.
Mother Mary – pray for us.
Saint Paul – pray for us.
Saint Martin De Poores – pray for us.
