So how many of us are angry with our brother (sister, mother, father, mother-in-law, father-in-law or other kinsmen…). How many of us have a brother who holds something against us? How many of us have called our brother a fool – or perhaps another modern day explicative? Family rifts often cause untold pain in families for generations, leaving individuals alone without the support structure our heavenly Father intended for his beloved children to enjoy. A support structure that, when God is allowed to reign within, can provide the necessary love and protection needed so that we can live a life full of Christ Joy. As the famous Beatles song goes – All we need is love – and I would add to that, all we need is Godly family love. Yes, we need our other basic needs of food shelter and clothing met; however, we can endure great earthy trials so much easier when we have the love and support of our family. It’s no wonder Jesus had stern words for those who found themselves angry or alienated from their loved ones.
In today’s Gospel (Matthew 5:20-26) Jesus instructs us in forgiveness within the family structure – emphasizing the detrimental effect of family rifts by proclaiming liability and judgement was in store for those who hold onto grudges and un-forgiveness towards their family. An accountability to the Sanhedrin (the highest court) for those who say Raqa (to insult or to offend) to his brother sounds extreme. For those who call others names like “You Fool”, they will find themselves liable to the fiery Gehenna – wow!!!! Jesus was serious on this note. Our words have power, especially the words we use towards our kinsmen and kinswomen.
There has been a significant amount of scientific research on the power of our thoughts and words over the last several decades. The HeartMath Institute, Andrew Newberg M.D. and Mark Waldman, Candace Pert, Ph.D., Peter Levine, Ph.D. and others have contributed much to this field. However, we don’t need to be a scientist to understand the power of our words and thoughts. We don’t need to be a scientist to understand the pain experienced when our brother turns on us. There are “things” we just know because we feel them in our heart.
Have you ever walked into a stress-filled room and felt the stress even though not a word was spoken about the tension. Is there an elephant in the room? Is the emperor really wearing clothes? Well, I’m getting a little off track here; however, I think you get the point. We have power in our mind and in our tongue. We need to be mindful of the fact that our words and thoughts hold power in our lives – good and bad. This power is so great that our Lord Jesus Christ spoke to his disciples on the subject whereas our kismen are concerned. As a matter of fact, there are several scripture passages that make reference to our thoughts and spoken words.
Much of my work surrounds bringing about peace within the family structure, given this I love today’s Gospel. The L.I.V.E. Method (Love is Victorious Everywhere); (a modality I created to foster greater family acceptance, forgiveness and love) utilizes forgiveness and acceptance so that we can bring about resolution within the family. Once we are at peace with our family members miracles begin to happen – I have witnessed this over and over with my patients and within my own family. Through family reconciliation that we can move closer to God because are better able to not only hear him. Once we can hear him we are better able to do his will and facilitate the expansion of his church on earth with our unique gifts. We are better able to be set apart, special for him. After all, holding anger, resentment, un-forgiveness and the like in our hearts towards a family member(s) will, undoubtedly, make it hard for us to hear God when he speaks to us. Kind of like static on a radio station, the transmission will be blocked.
Two key concepts to consider when praying for your family:
- We All Belong: Everyone has a right to belong to the family they are in. Yes, every family member has a place in the family according to God – after all, he placed each and every one of us in the family we are in. To exclude a family member violates what God has put into place. When we invite forgiveness and acceptance into our family relationships it is easier to allow everyone in. There are no “black sheeps” in the eyes of God. Of course, this does not free individuals who harm their family members – just as Jesus said in today’s Gospel, they will be held liable to judgement.
- Acceptance: Accepting our family members as the right family members for us helps ease resistance in our heart. I understand that many families are not perfect (it is planet earth my friends), and I further acknowledge that some family members can be downright horrible to one another – inflicting terrible pain that can be carried down through the generations. However, the need for reconciliation in families is extremely important – hence Jesus’ words in today’s Gospel. A heart blossoms when we choose the freedom that only forgiveness and acceptance can offer. Saying words to yourself such as “my mom is the right mom for me” or “my dad is the right dad for me” and so on; while they can be hard to say when we are hurt, they speak to the truth of our family structure. After all, your family members are just that – your family members. Your mother is your mother and your father is your father, holding out for something different calls us to hold out for false hope. As I mentioned in “Searching for Daddy Love” – sometimes we expect more of our father (or mother, or brother) then they received themselves. If they haven’t received what they need to feel loved and secure, it will be hard for them to give us what we need for our security. Of course, God is ready, willing and able to fill in here…
So together let’s be wise with the words we use when speaking of our families. Let’s pray that we offer words of encouragement when there is despair, words of affection when there is loneliness, words of hope when there is darkness and words of love when there is brokenness. Healing one family at a time, your family, will facilitate the healing the world so desperately needs.
Jesus – I love you!
