This isn’t a popular subject with Catholics, but it really needs to be addressed. Today’s gospel is often referred to as the basis for staying in an abusive marriage. Women (and sometimes men) who are being physically, mentally or emotionally abused in their marriage and are trying to be good Catholics, will often refer to the bible for guidance in the right thing to do. Jesus said in today’s gospel:
“Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you.” Luke 6:27
“If anyone strikes you on the cheek, offer the other also.” Luke 6:28
“Forgive, and you will be forgiven.” Luke 6:37
Traditionally, it is women that are abused by their spouse but men can be abused too. When a husband abuses his wife though, he can even use scripture to support his actions. Today’s first reading stopped short of the next verse in the book of Colossians, which is:
“Wives, be subject to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.” Colossians 3:18
The first book of Peter (1 Pe 3:1) also says: “Likewise, you wives should be subordinate to your husbands so that, even if some disobey the word, they may be won over without a word by their wives’ conduct.”
Catholics turn to the scriptures for guidance in their lives to help them understand the right thing to do and these verses in scripture can seem to support accepting and forgiving abuse by a spouse. There are several saints that married women look up to as examples on how to handle abuse in their marriage. Saint Monica and Saint Rita are two saints that married women often look to for guidance in how to live out their own vocations in holiness too. Saint Monica and Saint Rita both lived in abusive marriages and yet went on to become saints in the Catholic Church.
Priests will also use these scripture verses in today’s gospel as the basis of their advise to a woman (or man) who is being abused mentally or emotionally, to repeatedly forgive their spouse and stay in an abusive marriage. In all fairness though, it is difficult for our parish priests to see a married couple together every week at mass and not try to encourage their marriage to remain intact. This is compounded by the Catholic church’s views on the permanence of marriage. The scriptures, our priests’ advise, the Catholic church’s views on the permanence of marriage, and the example of saints who lived in abusive marriages, (not to mention a spouse who apologizes after the abuse occurs and asks for forgiveness), can come together as a whole to encourage a woman (or man) to stay in an abusive marriage.
Faithful Catholics want to do the right thing. The scriptures, our Catholic beliefs in the permanence of marriage, our priests’ advise and the example of the saint’s lives, will often outweigh any outside advise from other people, even professional counseling.
This situation needs to be better addressed in the Catholic church. Very little is said or written about domestic violence and abuse in our church and our priests are not educated about it in the seminaries. There has been an attempt to address domestic violence and abuse by the United States bishops in a document called “When I Call for Help: A Pastoral Response to Domestic Violence Against Women”, however many of our parish priests seem to be unaware of it.
Physical abuse is pretty clear cut. If a woman (or man) has been physically abused, they should leave the marriage as soon as they can safely do so. Emotional or mental abuse is not so clear though. This needs to be better addressed in the Catholic Church.
However, Bishop Ricardo Ramírez, of the Diocese of Las Cruces, New Mexico in the US, issued a pastoral letter on domestic violence that addresses the problem of domestic violence and abuse in Catholic marriages and how it is sometimes handled in the church:
http://arcc-catholic-rights.net/lascruces.htm
“He calls domestic violence a pervasive community problem that must be taken out of the closet and honestly addressed. Ramirez not only calls for ending domestic violence, but asks public forgiveness for the church’s past complicity by encouraging the abused to return to their abuser for the sake of the marriage. “To encourage a victim to return to such an environment without benefit of qualified professional help is irresponsible,” Ramirez notes. He calls for church leaders to be taught how to respond effectively to victims and perpetrators. Pointing to Scripture, Ramirez notes that “The accounts of creation found in Scripture make it clear that God created man and woman with equal dignity.”
“Furthermore, we are aware that Church ministers have failed, at times, to recognize domestic violence for what it is because of the way in which they, themselves, exercise power.”
“Ramirez admits that Scripture has been misused to justify husbands dominating their wives, pointing out that when Paul exhorts wives to be “submissive to your husbands” (Eph. 5: 22), he speaks from within the highly hierarchical social structure of his era. Slavery and the submission of wives was taken for granted. “Fortunately,” Ramireaz continues, “ours is a very different cultural setting wherein all persons are considered equal. . . . Husbands and wives love each other in a way in which they consider and treat each other as equals. This is the gospel mandate.”
Hopefully one day our pope will address domestic violence and abuse in marriages in an encyclical, and provide some clarity for the Catholic laity and clergy throughout the world as well. This has been long overdue.
The thought for today though, might be to realize that you are made in the image and likeness of God and deserve to be treated with love and respect for your human dignity and we should treat other people the same way that we ourselves would like to be treated.
The two great commandments that Christ gave us is, ” ‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind. ‘ This is the greatest and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. ‘ All the Law and the Prophets depend on on these two commandments. Matthew 22: 37-40.
