The picture today is one of Barnhart’s Prodigal Son. This replica statue is at the Speed Museum of Art in Louisville, Kentucky. It was part of my penance when I returned full-throttle to the church in 2010 to go to the statue and pray. How someone could so fully express sorrow, yearning, love, fear, healing, and joy simultaneously in marble, I do not know, but in my time before that statue God gave me an intuitive understanding of forgiveness that has lasted now for more than a decade.
Forgiveness is an essential Christian concept, as is the concept that sin (aka doing what is wrong, not living God’s way, causing harm to ourselves, others, and/or society) is a part of life. We humans sin. Forgiveness is part of the core of God’s remedy for sin. The readings today give us beautiful pictures of what forgiveness means and how to do it.
Forgiveness Stops the Power of Sin
Forgiveness stops the power of sin in the person who sins AND in those who are affected by the sin. It replaces the power of evil with the power of Truth, Compassion, and Fidelity. It is a core way that God uses and shares with us to change ourselves, our families, and the world. It seems counter-intuitive, but there is no better way to stop evil than to forgive it.
There are six stories of forgiveness in today’s readings: the story of God’s forgiveness when the Israelites made a golden calf; expression of David’s awareness of his sin in Psalm 51; the story of the Lost Sheep; the very brief story of the Lost Coin; and the story of the Prodigal Son.
There are many ways this reflection could develop. I am choosing today to focus on the three stories of the Gospel as a way to look at the power of forgiveness in families.
The Setting, The Stories, and the Characters
The setting is a stop on the road from Jericho to Jerusalem. Tax collectors and other people who are not living by Jewish standards of righteousness are gathered around Jesus. Scribes and Pharisees are also in the circle. Jesus creates three stories to draw everyone to see themselves and question themselves as characters.
As I imagine Jesus sitting with all these judging people around him, I see the first two stories as “warm ups.” I have heard homilists talk about how a shepherd of Jesus’ time would not leave the ninety-nine to look for the one, but, as a cattle farmer, I can tell you, we do whatever we can to find any lost cow or calf and save it. So, I imagine Jesus’ hearers wondering, “If I lost a sheep, would I go after it?” “If I were a lost sheep, would someone come after me?” This warm-up story could have the effect of creating a bit of ambiguity in the listeners to foster openness for what will follow.
The second story is only three verses. A woman loses a coin, cleans house until she finds it, then celebrates. I’ve never cleaned house top to bottom over a lost coin, but I have cleaned desks and files over a lost document. I’ve looked for something for days! It’s like I can’t stop. Finally, I find it! Yes, there is a spirit of celebration—I text my friends! I suspect losing something important was a common experience for Jesus’ listeners as it is for us. It seems Jesus uses this story to lead ALL his listeners into considering the pull of desire to find what has been lost.
Then comes the capstone, the story of the Prodigal Son. At least one of the characters would have fit every listener—as it does us. Probably, we have all at some time in our lives been the father and each of the sons.
Before I go further, I want to say that, considering these circumstances, Jesus’ intention was to express to both known public and hidden private sinners in his audience the great desire God has to reclaim each and every person, to draw each and every person to himself. That is the traditional interpretation of this story and is absolutely correct.
However, my prayer has led me this week to look at each character in the Prodigal Son as representative of how we are in our families (and Christian communities). In this case, father and both sons all are called to conversion.
The Sins of Autonomy
Many voices name “autonomy” as a great sin of today. Autonomy here means “self-determination, self-governing.” It is another word for “selfishness,” “me first,” “I live by what works for me.” All the characters in the Prodigal Son story can be seen as acting from autonomy. The younger son wanted to spend money freely and enjoy himself. The older son saw himself as entitled, as “the good son” who should have power because of his loyalty. Even the father seems to be doing his own thing: he let his one son go off; he ignored his other son; and the story makes it sound like he spent all his time watching the road.
The sins gathered under autonomy can be many, because selfishness leads to overt sins which lead to consequences. The consequences for the younger son included loneliness, hunger, humiliation, regret, and eventual sorrow and change of heart. They also meant his family’s loss of property and extra work for his brother. The consequences for the father included regret, mourning, yearning, and eventual sorrow and change of heart. The consequences for the older son were a lot of work, resentment, and alienation from both father and brother. We don’t know how the story ends for the older brother. Does he also have regret and sorrow that lead to a change of heart?
What happens in the family the day after the return celebration?
It all depends on forgiveness. All the characters can be seen as guilty of sins of autonomy. Will they forgive each other for their self-absorption? Will they forgive themselves? Will they accept forgiveness? Will the family start over?
What Is Forgiveness?
Forgiveness can have many definitions. One I like is, “Forgiveness is letting go of attitudes and behaviors that seek to personally punish or retaliate for wrong done.” Forgiveness does not require reconciliation. (See next week’s reflection for thoughts about that.) It does not prohibit imposition of consequences—natural, logical, or legal. It does not include letting yourself continue to be harmed by one who has harmed you. It does not require re-establishing trust.
But it does include managing yourself to stop the transmission of evil. Forgiveness is a choice to interact with the offending person with honesty, compassion, and responsibility (human expressions of God’s Truth, Love, and Fidelity). It is choosing to treat the offending person with respect and at least a basic level of acceptance.
Applications
Forgiveness for serious wounds in family life does not come easily. Forgiveness is first an act of will. Say to God in prayer or confession, “I choose to forgive.” You might add that you have no idea how this can be possible, but you truly want to stop the effects of sin in your family, and you beg God to show you how. Keep praying. Keep confessing when you fail. Treat each and every person with honesty, compassion, and by fulfilling your own responsibilities. Interact in ways that foster honesty, compassion, and fulfilling responsibilities in others. No martyrs. No co-dependents. No victims. No skating under the radar. No conversations in your head where you tell the offending person again and again the harm they have caused.
When you need to be forgiven, the process is a mirror image. Say in prayer and confession, “I am sorry.” Make amends. Accept that one great consequence of serious harm done is that it takes a long, long time to recover the trust of others. Keep praying. Keep confessing when you fail. Treat each and every person with honesty, compassion, and fulfilling your own responsibilities. Interact in ways that foster honesty, compassion, and fulfilling responsibilities in others. No martyrs. No co-dependents. No victims. No skating under the radar. No conversations in your head where you make excuses again and again for what you did.
The fruit of forgiveness is that the path of evil stops because you replace it with the path of God.
Prayer: Today’s Psalm:
Have mercy on me, O God, in your goodness;
in the greatness of your compassion wipe out my offense.
Thoroughly wash me from my guilt
and of my sin cleanse me.
A clean heart create for me, O God,
and a steadfast spirit renew within me.
Cast me not out from your presence,
and your Holy Spirit take not from me.
O Lord, open my lips,
and my mouth shall proclaim your praise.
My sacrifice, O God, is a contrite spirit;
a heart contrite and humbled, O God, you will not spurn.
