How do you respond to rejection? How do you manage fear of rejection? As a family therapist for more than thirty years, I can tell you: it’s a problem that most of us do not handle well. My experience is that rejection and fear of rejection are often at the root of family violence, alcoholism, and “emotionally closed” behaviors that trouble families. When couples come in and talk about “communication problems,” they often mean “when we talk, I feel rejected.” Children who get in trouble at school often perceive themselves as rejected by peers and/or teachers.
We don’t do rejection well spiritually either. The “false self” that many spiritual writers talk about is, at its core, the behaviors and attitudes that we develop to prevent and manage rejection. We “get along” by compromising values and hiding spiritual gifts, in order to be at peace and acceptance with family, friends, and community.
Some Scripture scholars see the Gospel of Mark as written from the slant of “the story of how Jesus was rejected.” While it is the shortest Gospel and the one most likely first written, it is a blunt Gospel, especially around its portrayal of the disciples. If it is based on St. Peter’s memories, those memories are stark about how Jesus was rejected by just about everyone during his life—and especially by those closest to him.
The theme of coping with rejection is at the core of all three readings this Sunday, and Mark’s Gospel is at the center of that. Since most of us (including me) don’t do rejection well, the readings are full of help this week.
Mark 6:1-6
Today, in Mark 6, Jesus arrives back in his native place—Nazareth—after several experiences of rejection recorded in Mark 5. That chapter begins right after Jesus calms the storm with the story of his casting out many demons in the wild man in Gerasa, driving a herd of pigs over a cliff in the process (Mark 5:1-21). That frightened the local people, who were not Jewish, and they asked him to leave. Then follows the stories we had last week of milder rejection—“What do you mean, who touched me?” and the ridicule of the mourners as he went in to cure Jairus’s daughter.
Now Jesus returns to Nazareth and does what he had often done before he went on the road as a rabbi and teacher: he teaches from the Hebrew Scriptures. He doesn’t do anything radical, but he does amaze the people by the level of his understanding and proclamation. There is a difference in Jesus that his former friends and neighbors don’t understand. “Where did he get all this?” they ask.
They are amazed. Amazement blocks them from appreciating who Jesus is showing himself to be. Jesus is in his hometown, but “he could work no miracle there, apart from curing a few who were sick by laying hands on them.” Scripture then says that Jesus is amazed at their lack of faith.
That word amazed. As best I can figure the commentaries on it in both Mark 6:2, when the people were amazed at Jesus, and Mark 6:6, when Jesus was amazed at the lack of faith in him, the root word is the same. It means wonder. But there is a difference in the tense of the word, which gives Jesus’ amazement a connotation of distress.
If we look at this passage through that lens, it would mean that the people found Jesus as he had become a bit entertaining because his abilities were unexpected and not understood. But they didn’t take him seriously. In return, when Jesus saw their inability or unwillingness to see the truth in what he taught, he wondered, but with a sense of alarm. He was surprised and distressed that the people did not have enough faith (trusting, conversion-bound belief) in him that he could do for them what he was doing for others.
He must have been disappointed, for the last verse of this section says, “He made the rounds of the neighboring villages instead and spent his time teaching.”
There is a Flip Side to This
The flip side is that Jesus has been doing some rejecting of his own. He rejected the Pharisees’ perspective on the Sabbath, justifying his disciples picking some grain (Mark 2:23-28) and his curing on the Sabbath (Mark 3:1-6). Mark notes that Jesus’ rejection of this interpretation of the Law led the Pharisees to want to “destroy” Jesus. (Mark 3:6) Yet Jesus continued to teach and heal. Mark 3:20-30 gives more information about the leaders’ rejection of Jesus. Jesus isn’t just ignoring them. He also does not immediately stop his teaching to visit with his family when they come to see him. (Mark 3:31-35)
It seems Jesus is saying, in effect, “Don’t make choices based on possible or actual rejection. Do what you think is right.” The other readings today elaborate on this thought.
Ezekiel 2:2-5
Ezekiel was a prophet during the Babylonian exile. His task was to bring the word of God to the people discouraged by defeat and deportation. As was the general rule when God called a prophet, God tells Ezekiel in effect, “Don’t expect your task to be easy or to win you popularity. But you still must say to the people what I tell you to say. People may heed or resist the Word, because I am God, and I leave people free to choose, but your job, Ezekiel, is to speak the Truth I give you.” God tells Ezekiel rejection is going to just be a part of his job.
2 Corinthians 12:7-10
There is a great weakness in rejection. It strips us of pride. We are social creatures, and rejection or acceptance is part of how a culture keeps its people within the cult. When we are rejected, it hurts. The hurt causes us to question ourselves and those who reject us. That questioning can lead us to Truth with a capital T—God’s Truth. Or it can lead us to pretending to comply with the culture, while actually rejecting it. That’s the “false self” which the mystics consistently tell us leads to desolate prayer. Desolate prayer often then leads us to face Truth and make choices for God or away from him. It tends to be God’s back-up plan when we cower in the face of rejection, lest the pain of it lead us astray.
Paul is describing that kind of self-examination and prayer. Paul was very tough when it came to rejection from the outside. But this passage describes some unknown thing within Paul that he wanted to reject. But God said “no.” God wanted Paul to accept himself–weakness and all.
Pain and questioning can lead us to reject back—to say to God or culture, “No. I will do my own thing.” That was the Pharisees’ choice with Jesus. Pain and questioning can also cause us to reject ourselves. We can see ourselves as beyond God’s mercy and grace. It was that perspective that God said “no” to in Paul.
We do not know what Paul’s “thorn in the flesh” was. But his resolution is of importance. God said, “My grace is sufficient to you, for power is made perfect in weakness.”
When we encounter rejection, it is probably necessary that we question as we feel the sting of it, then look at what God’s standard is. Look at it carefully to fully understand it (not let it just amaze us). Feel then the pain of holding on to that standard, though it send us to a place of humility and weakness, as we see where we are at fault or simple weakness. Feel the pain, too, if it leads us to take a change of scenery as Jesus did. Then, work through the pain to find a means to cope with the realities of rejection—whether it be the creative images of Ezekiel’s prophecies, Paul’s missionary journeys and letter writing, or Jesus’ moving toward sending his disciples out, too, as we will see in next week’s Gospel.
Prayer
The verses of the hymn “Lead Me, Guide Me” speak to me today.
Lead me, guide me along the Way. For, if you lead me, I cannot stray. Lord, let me walk this day with thee. Lead me, oh Lord, lead me.
