When I was in the fifth grade, the “love of my life” was playing basketball. I envisioned myself as being a basketball star someday. So, when the sixth grade basketball team was being formed, I signed up. Little by little my dreams fell apart. I was a “third stringer,” and played just a few minutes in one game. Seeing that I was not as strong or fast as the other kids, I began to face the fact that basketball would not be my “career.”
It wasn’t easy facing the truth about my basketball potential, but I’m glad I had the courage to try out for the team, even though I had to deal with the fact that being a basketball star was not in my future.
Many times in life we do not take the risk of “trying out” for fear that our inner limitations might be exposed. We hide behind the veil of not knowing the answer to a question we have about ourselves. As I grew older, I carefully avoided risking sticking my neck out, because I didn’t want to feel the pain of disappointment again, if I “didn’t make the team.”
I think it was this same dynamic that kept the disciples of Jesus from asking him a certain question. They were afraid of what the answer might be. The story is told in today’s gospel account (Mark 9:30-37).
“He was teaching his disciples and telling them, ‘The Son of Man is to be handed over to men and they will kill him, and three days after his death the Son of Man will rise.’ But they did not understand the saying, and they were afraid to question him.’”
When Jesus said the Son of Man would be killed, how did the disciples take this? Maybe they thought he was a prophet, like Daniel, who was speaking of some vague day in the future when the “Son of Man” would rise up in Israel. Maybe he was talking about some person who didn’t yet exist. Could it be that when he said the “Son of Man,” he was referring to himself? Caught up in denial, the disciples, couldn’t bear the thought that this might be true. So they were “afraid to question him”
Why were they afraid? These men and women were caught up in the illusion that their version of the Messianic kingdom was about to happen. They dreamed of being “stars” in this new kingdom. From being nobodies they would rise to being leaders in the kingdom of God on earth. Everyone would start looking up to them the way they looked up to the scribes and the Pharisees. If Jesus meant what he said, it would be devastating for them—their bubbles would burst. Then, if Jesus was killed, what would they do? These questions were too much for them to handle, so they played it safe and shielded themselves from the truth.
Shortly after that, they began to argue as to which of them was the greatest. Who would get the top jobs in the kingdom? Yes, they were driven by their own pride and false ambition. So Jesus took a child and placed her in their midst and said:
“Whoever receives one child such as this in my name, receives me, and whoever receives me, receives not me but the One who sent me.”
Jesus challenged them to shift their ambitions from being considered great and mighty to being a lover of little children, and a least servant in God’s household. If they started to think this way, they wouldn’t be afraid to ask Jesus questions—their hearts would be humble enough to accept his answers.
Today’s story encourages us to confront our personal fears. What if our lives are riding the surf of false ambition and self-created hopes? Wouldn’t it be best to face the truth and ask Jesus the question rather than hide in the false shelter of denial? Facing the truth helps break down the wall of pride that keeps us from having a closer relationship with God. Even if it hurts for a while, in the end it brings healing and holiness.
“May I never boast except in the Cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, through which the world has been crucified to me, and I to the world” (Galatians 6:14).
