Thursday, 1st December 2022

 everyone who listens to these words of mine
but does not act on them
will be like a fool who built his house on sand. 

There are more days when I would be building houses on sands! I am always constantly judging my actions, wondering if I am doing it right – am I going to hell for this? It is exhausting especially when in your heart – you know it is wrong but your brain brings up a list of reasons you act that way!

This thought process gets heightened during advent or lent – as I am more surrounded by talks about being a better person or change over the time to a new Jesus! It is not that easy- while I plan prayers and scripture reading to be regular , I falter at being a good person more often during this season.

Constant road rage with the tourist season traffic, the delay in projects for various reasons, being hangry from abstinence, and worse self guilt tripping for not adhering to what I had planned for during pre advent! Life is not a bed of roses but recently I read this 33 day retreat on Marian life and it shocks me how a young Mother Mary just went along with Gods plan !!

If I was asked the same ( hypothetically speaking) , I would have doubts, queries, have a constant anxiety about what next?! The fact that mother Mary hid with Jesus as a regular normal kid from childhood till 30 years makes me wonder – how many times she didnt wonder if this is actually the son of God ?

As todays Gospel mentions – I am always building castles on sand with this constant need to approve of myself being a god catholic by celebrating all the correct sacraments and confessions and attendance to everything but in my heart I am still the same doubting Thomas !

This advent I want to try a tad bit harder with my faith – learn to listen and DO the word of God – it is very hard especially with wounds of past that have been filled with rage and hatred ! I am unsure how I will go about it but I will try – through prayer, sacraments and above all just believing in the power of the Almighty!

Prayer:

Guide me oh Lord with your words , to prepare my heart for reception of the Lord and filling this heart full of hope and love even for those who have hurt us repeatedly!

AMEN

About the Author

Hello! I’m Dr Analise Maria D’ Mello, (MBBS, MS obgyn, DNB) from the beautiful state of Goa in India. I was born and raised in a Roman Catholic family, learning my prayers, catechism and Catholic values from my parents and grandmothers. I am currently practicing as an obstetrician and gynecologist for 3 years since my residency. I often speak on anti-abortion to college students and married couples, and counsel distressed pregnant women with appropriate medical advice. I am part of the St Luke's Medical Guild of Catholic Doctors in my state providing services in prisons, and Lenten and advent retreats for medical professionals and their families.

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13 Comments

  3. My dear girl, I have have been following you for six months now. I think you are much too hard on yourself. You are trying so hard to live a Spirit filled life and you are ! Continue on your journey; but please remember, you are human ! I, too, am always sooo touched by how our dear, Blessed Mother responded to Gabriel … but God had chosen her in the begining of time! She was created to be the mother of Jesus. You & I were created to be regular human beings who are doing God’s work through our daily lives. Look at what you have already accomplished through His gifts to you ! You are doing a great job!
    Lots of hugs & prayers, me

  4. Dr. Analise. Thank you for a very honest and transparent reflection. We are human beings and human doings. I think about The Blessed Mother being approached in the Annunciation. I highly doubt she was completely stress free. Remember, Gabriel said ” don’t be troubled “, so maybe Gabriel saw a bit of a freaked out expression on her face! Yet, she accepted the task. It is amazing how Mary lived her life. As Dorothy said , she was selected from the beginning. We do our best and ask for grace with each step. You write a post each day that inspires so many. Your hands are at work daily bringing life into the world. Jesus takes care of our wounds of the past. Be blessed Dr. Analise.

  5. Thank you Analise. Sounds like we have a lot in common. In those slipping moments God our Father and Jesus our Rock will reach out in times of trouble. With a strong foundation the trouble/storms of life will pass. Jesus won’t let us down and his mercy will always bring us back. Keep up the good work and keep an eye on the weather…storms are in the forecast. Blessings my sister.

  6. I, too, doubt myself…daily. I plan and I plan, but so often falter. Thank you for your honesty and candor.
    God Bless

  7. Analise, thank your for your reflection. I think this struggle is part of the Christian life.. I know I struggle with the same things you listed. I learned somewhere to keep our eyes on the lives on the saints. They themselves would tell us they felt the same way you described…and they did so much for God! They still felt like they had not done enough for Him because they loved God so much. May God bless you my sister! And all of us at ACM.

  8. I struggle with those same things… Some more and some less. We have to give our lives over to the Lord on a DAILY basis. I love how Fred includes God in everything “wee, I just made a mess”. One thing I have learned is when I let go of my pride and allow/ ask God to work through me (which I definitely need to do way more of) He can and will change things. The first time (as an adult anyway) that I asked Jesus to truly be in my life I noticed that road rage had left me. That’s not to say that I still don’t have moments of aggravation or anger, but when I do, it’s because I’m not clinging to Jesus. He will give you the gift and the means to overcome the sin…. and we’ll never perfect it but can always grown in it. Keep growing!

  9. Peace Analise! I see by reading your reflection I have a kindred sister somewhere else. 😊. Thank you for sharing. I’ll add your name to my daily rosary. 😊🙏🏼 God Bless

  10. The reason I love ACM is that apart from Monday, the daily reflections are all written by lay people. Each writer has dealt with struggles,doubts and fear.Each one speaks to me as an imperfect human being that is trying to live out the gospel teachings and often falls short.
    We’re all in this together Analise and we can all support one another with prayers and intercession.You’re an inspiration to so many.God Bless you.🙏🏻

    I should add that I look forward to Fr Eke’s Monday reflection and learn so much from him.

  11. Dear Dr Analise! May Gods peace be in you. May Mother Marys Mantle cover you! You are a true inspiration 🚀❤

  13. Welcome to the club. Would vote for you to be our leader however we have one, Pope Francis. I suspect he often feels the same.

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