Thursday, December 19, 2019 – The struggle to give life

Today’s readings originate in an Old Testament story – actually, a recurring theme that traces all the way back to the story of Abraham and Sarah … the Father and Mother of all three of the world’s major faiths – Christianity, Judaism and Muslim.

It goes like this … a married couple, man and woman, have struggled to have a child. After many attempts, they have given up, until God intervenes and works a “miracle” to allow the barren woman to give birth to a baby.

In scripture studies, this is often referred to as ABND – which is an acronym for a process that encompasses the following steps: Annunciation and Birth, Naming of the child and the particular Destiny of the child’s future.

Obviously, this time of the year, we think a lot about a very young Mary who is suddenly thrust into history by becoming the Mother of our Lord … the Christmas story!

But this story – this struggle – is very much part of many lives today.

As an adult minister at my Catholic Church, I hear over and over again the stories of couples who struggle to have a child. They go through many trials and tribulations as they try “this method,” “that experiment,” and countless medical treatments.

All so they can participate fully in God’s plan to populate the earth – “like the stars in the sky” (so says the promise to Abraham in Genesis) – and begin their own lives as parents.

It does not always happen as planned; many couples are left in sorrow and sadness, searching for answers … wondering why God has not given them the gift of motherhood and fatherhood.

These are tough stories and difficult conversations to have.

Nobody knows the mind of God.

But, we do have faith that God loves us and asks us to always be open to life – which is why we as a Catholic Church view abortion and artificial birth control as an absolute anathema! We include the death penalty and euthanasia in the same conversation because we – as Catholics – cannot and should not ever take on the role of God and decide who lives and who dies … no matter the circumstances.

Today’s first reading tells the story of Manoah – the father of Samson – who has gone through this struggle with his wife (who is not given a name in the Book of Judges). Because of God’s intervention through an angel, Manoah’s wife is given the gift of bearing a child, despite her barren state.

The result is Samson, a somewhat mythical figure whose strength is tied to the length of his hair. His story is definitely one to study and ponder, but for today, suffice it to say that the faith of Manoah and his bride are key to producing a child that changed the course of history.

The Gospel today tells a very similar story from the Gospel of Luke … somewhat forgotten by many during this season when everyone is keyed up for the birth of Christ.

This story, instead, tells of the circumstances of the birth of John the Baptist and how his parents Zechariah and Elizabeth were long past the point of hoping for parenthood. Elizabeth (Mary’s cousin) had grown to an old age without child.

When the very same angel – Gabriel – who had appeared to the parents of Samson, also appeared to Zechariah to give him the good news that he would be a DAD and that Elizabeth would be a MOM to a son who would one day change the world …

Zechariah doubted.

How could this be? Like Abraham …he doubted. We have tried so many times … we have lost hope.

Oh … how many couples have lost hope?

Today’s generation often chooses to “put off parenting” until they are “ready.”

Often that leads to attempts to conceive children at a later stage in life … which causes so many complications and struggles.  Some choose to simply ignore the natural inclination to perpetuate human life and survival for a variety of reasons – a very sad commentary on how we tend to view our lives and our existence on earth.

It’s not all about us.

It’s about everyone else.

Love is not all about how you feel in your marriage or in your relationship …

Love is not about how YOU see your future as (maybe) a mom or a dad …

Love is about giving yourself to your spouse and to God – every moment of your married life – and being open to the gift of life … an incredible gift in which you have the true opportunity to “participate with God” and create another human being!

Manoah knew this. Although he was not sure – we all have doubts – he had enough faith in God to allow it to happen … and BOOM, we all know the story of Samson and his extraordinary life.

Zechariah doubted as well, but he also went along with God’s plan, producing a son – John the Baptist – whose preaching would lay the red carpet for the emergence of Jesus (whose own parents had the same struggle of dealing with “adulting” and parenthood)!

In the end, the lesson of today’s readings – and in fact, the lesson of this season – is this: God has a plan for all of us – but especially moms and dads, who have the opportunity to breathe new life into this crazy world!

Who can really look at a young couple today and advise them not to have children? Or, sadly and tragically, that they should abort a child before it can be born, simply because the time is not right?

A child that is never born is a child that has no chance to change the world.

Think of all the many things that our world needs – a cure for cancer, a solution to homelessness and depression, a way to bring peace to the Middle East.

We don’t have the answers to these problems today.

Just like the Old Testament times of the ancient Hebrews who were looking for the inspiration of larger-than-life figures like Samson …

Just like the New Testament times of the Hebrews who were preparing for the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ – whose birth was not “planned” …

Just like the story of John the Baptist – who worked tirelessly to proclaim the message that the real savior, the real message of humility, grace and redemption was at hand …

We all need to embrace the lessons of our faith …

We need to be open to life, no matter our circumstances or our current state in life.

We need to trust in God.

We need to put our own cultural desires on the backburner … life rarely – never? – turns out exactly the way we want.

But … if we “let go” and “let God” … we might actually find the peace and joy that we all seek this time of year.

It would be a peace of mind and heart that would extend beyond Christmas …

A peace that could sustain us throughout our lives.

About the Author

Dan McFeely is a Carmel, Indiana, writer, communications business owner, book editor and a former professional journalist. Dan also works as an Adult Faith Formation Minister, currently serving as a spiritual director for the men's and women's Christ Renews His Parish program at St. Elizabeth Ann Seton Catholic Church in Carmel. He is a graduate of the Ecclesial Lay Ministry program offered by the Diocese of Lafayette-in-Indiana and has studied theology at Marian University.

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17 Comments

  1. Hi.Dan.surely you have spoken to me today.right into my ears.Thanks so much for this inspiring reflection.I have particularly loved…”The need to let go and to let God.”Amen

  2. ‘A child that is never born is a child that has no chance to change the world’
    Tks Daniel for your inspiring words

  3. Thank you Dan for putting life first…its not about us…its about everyone else. That’s the best advice we can give anyone especially in today’s “me” world. Totally cool reflection.

  4. If a couple cannot have children of their own, there are many children without parents whom they could welcome into their home and hearts–and maybe that adopted child/children will be the one(s) to do great things in life.

  5. Dan, thank you for your reflection. However, I do take issue with the church’s stance on the death penalty. I can’t help but to feel that those murderers who are caught “red handed” or admit their wrong doing with no remorse should be “put down in a very timely manner. I don’t believe in euthanasia, but in today’s “wonders of modern medicine” who let people suffer in pain yet do anything and everything to save that same persons life if they came in the ER. I have instructed my spouse not to let doctors extend my life for only the reason to live another year or two in a more disabled situation that I am currently living.
    Very though decisions. I hope I’m not a bad Catholic for what I feel.

  6. Beautiful reflection this morning. We too struggled with infertility. We adopted two boys and then bore two more children. We are so blessed! Trust in the Lord because He always has a plan. And remember God’s timing is not always what we would have planned.

  7. Love is about giving yourself to your spouse and to God – every moment of your married life – and being open to the gift of life …
    Loved it!
    Please pray that my friend Amanda’s nerve ablation gets rescheduled to this week to decrease her pain. Thank you.

  8. To anonymous thinking on tough decisions … of course as Dan said we cannot know the mind of God. But Jesus did let us know to love one another and to love God – the 2 most important commandments. Jesus never renounced his Jewish faith or the 10 commandments – we should not kill – even when it seems right or fair? We shouldn’t. We would bring heaven on earth if we could all do this. If we didn’t kill murderers what lessons could we learn? What could they learn from us?
    If we love one another we try to lessen another’s pain…we try to save lives …although some of us focus on one over the other at some times …as of course not all lives can be saved and not all pain can be relieved. I have experienced emotional pain but never any real physical pain for too long. Sometimes I look back on those times of emotional pain and I cherish the people who were there for me – I remember their love and support. We are there for each other – even with our pain we are bringing blessings into others lives by those connections of love and by inspiring others to love and give more of themselves.
    Life is not easy and it’s messy but it seems to be a gift that we should not throw away and that we should treat with the most loving care. Some people may have emotional scars or terrible mental illnesses that we cannot understand. Sometimes we make terrible decisions. Sometimes people who seem to have no remorse change and learn to love others…sometimes they don’t. Are there grey areas? Extending life..defending our own lives…each individual situation to be considered.
    You are not a bad Catholic for what you feel and you are right to question and think critically about all these issues.
    The words of Jesus are so very clear and he told so many stories to illustrate those concepts. It is inspiring to read his words …and thank God for the Catholic Moment writers for spending time reflecting on them and helping us understand 🙂
    Grace and peace to you and all of us. In sharing your thoughts today you have given me a gift of deeper reflection.

  9. Dear Mary Jane, I appreciate your response. My wife’s daughter was murdered 4 years ago and it still eats at her heart. She was like a daughter to me but I’m over it for the most part except hearing my wife grieve especially over holidays and anniversaries. Our daughters.
    The guy who murdered our daughter turned the gun on himself after he murdered our daughter. I feel it was a blessing in disguise. Had he not turned the gun on himself we could still be waiting for some type of conviction which would have really tore my wife’s heart out. She went to confession over her unforgiving heart and the priest told her to pray for her daughters murderer which I understood and agree but it went over my wife like a led balloon.
    So, now we still muddle through holidays. I do pray for her but still – yet…
    Have you or anyone else on this site had a child murdered? Tell me how it effected you and your other family members.
    I’m not being sarcastic here but just explaining the pain I’ve wittinessed and why I feel the way I do.

  10. How many Catholics use artifucial birth control? Raise your hands. I’m raising mine. I know that I could not have more children for health and financial reasons, so can’t risk a pregnancy. I’m choosing to be a relatively healthy (and alive!) parent to the kids I already have, instead of disabling myself further (or dying and leaving them with only one parent). I choose to provide shelter, food, clothing, and schooling to the kids I already have, instead of having more kids, and not being able to provide for them. We already live very frugally. It also boils down to time. We can’t divide time up even more, because our kids wouldn’t get enough time with us if it went to yet even more kids.

    Yeah, a bunch of you use birth control, like me, because you have thought critically about the consequences of not using it. Keep thinking critically.

  11. I have not had a loss like yours – an adult child with mental illness – but not a terrible tragedy and loss like yours and your wife’s. There is s group – Parents of Murdered Children – maybe you could connect with to see if someone there can give you some insight into how they helped others cope. Sending a prayer your way.

  12. A— Just my own thoughts on your comments about “critical thinking” and artificial birth control… I think you’re saying that it’s important for couples to think critically about whether to have another child— taking into account financial resources, time, health, etc. So, couples should “think critically” about using artificial birth control to limit family size. The Church doesn’t teach that couples need to have as many children as possible and, in fact, the Church emphasizes that part of responsible parenthood is prayerfully discerning God’s will when it comes to family size issues. The Church teaches that couples should prayerfully discern whether to abstain from sex at times when it’s likely to lead to a child. I think a key distinction between “prayerful discernment” about abstaining from sex and “critical thinking” about using artificial birth control is the position of God in the family planning decision. In “prayerfully discerning” when to abstain from sex, couples respect God’s natural design of sex (the properties of sex aren’t altered when couples abstain from it), and couples make the abstinence decision in consultation with God. I am unsure where God stands when it comes to “thinking critically” about artificial birth control. On a practical note, I have found the Couple to Couple League’s online resources to be very helpful for learning about Natural Family Planning (NFP). Contrary to some perceptions, NFP is not “birth control for Catholics” because using it should be coupled with prayerful discernment.

  13. Dear Mary Jane, thank you for your reply, prayers, and suggestions. My wife is/was in a couple of groups as you suggested. I felt that after a year or so, going to those Fi groups was like picking a scab of an old wound – not letting it heal. Anyway, 4 + years down the road she is better, but not so much on holidays.
    God Bless

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