Is it better not to marry?
If you have ever gone to a new physician, applied for a loan or employment application, there are always questions of marital status. Even our beloved 1040 tax form asks these questions.
The Pharisees in Matthew’s gospel for today were testing Jesus. He knew their hearts were not interested in the answer but truth to evil was worth responding. Jesus in reply said, “the Creator made them male and female and said for this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This reminds me of one of my friends who described divorce’s pain as a division process. It is hard to divide one and try to be whole yourself. You are only left with fractions or pieces. This is the pain of divorce.
However, the applications that we fill out all the time have other choices. Myself, I was a single until the tender age of 55. Neither my wife, Anna, and I were anxious to marry when we met. She was a widow and not looking for a spouse. Our daughter, Emily, said, ” Mother go out with the man, you don’t have to marry him.” Our first four dates were in separate cars and I finally asked her to watch Christmas lights and that had to be in the same car. We will be married 20 wonderful years in February of 2020. We have had numerous physical and financial problems in our marriage, but that union of one went through those trials together as one.
Jesus goes on to say of the choice of marriage or a single life the following, ” Some are incapable of marriage because they were born so; some because they were made so by others; some because they renounce marriage for the sake of the Kingdom of heaven.”
He also said, What God has joined together man must not separate. This quote was what kept my sister in an abusive marriage for 17 years she thought she had no way out. Many women just like her felt the same way. She still prays for her ex-husband. The fallout from this union was a son who himself was an abuser and daughter who was abused in her marriage. My sister’s abuse started on her wedding night.
Abuse is not part of the marriage bond. It is a cancer that effects generations. It has to stop through counseling, prayer or a court order. This was never what God wanted in a marriage. No human is someone’s property. No human should be abused.
God’s plan for marriage is one unit and it does not include abuse, adultery, or same sex unions. These passages are difficult and I don’t presume to have the full answer. We know that our seasons of life can change. As a lay single person you have great purpose for good in the world. All seasons have opportunities for good and satisfaction.
Years ago on my wedding day I received the best free advice from an old Southern lawyer. He said, ” you have two choices in your married life ( and he held up one finger ) you can be right or happy.” Bar none it was the best advice I ever had.
My prayer today is for all marriages.
God Bless you Always
Bob Burford
