Why is forgiveness so hard? From all sides of the forgiveness equation, what seems so simple can be so hard to do. It should be easy to say we’re sorry. It shouldn’t be that tough to tell someone who wronged you, ‘Ah, don’t worry about it…’ And we should praise and rejoice when someone tells us we are forgiven. We should move on. But often we don’t.
Many times it’s so hard to say that we are sorry and admit we screwed up, and ask for forgiveness whether it be from God or some other person. And other times, we are like the first servant in today’s Gospel whose debt was forgiven by the king, but refused to forgive his fellow servant. How often do we go to Confession, or receive forgiveness from someone close to us only to continue to harbor resentment towards others who have wronged us, or even those we perceived have wronged us? How often have we experienced forgiveness, but refused to let ourselves be forgiven? We may still feel indebted to someone we wronged, or think that God could not possibly forgive us for what we have done.
Forgiveness is really made up of these three elements – asking for forgiveness, forgiving others, and letting ourselves be forgiven. It’s like a three-legged stool – together it is very sturdy, but if one leg breaks or falls off, the stool is no good. And for our stool of forgiveness to be strong, we must do each leg continuously, equally, and with full heart. As Jesus told Peter today when Peter asked Jesus how many times we must forgive one another, Jesus said “I say to you, not seven times but seventy-seven times.” In other words, infinitely. Continuously. Equally. And with a full heart.
But each leg of our stool impacts the other. If we do not ask for forgiveness, it makes it hard to forgive others and we will of course not let ourselves be forgiven. If we seek forgiveness, but yet we do not forgive each other, then we might not receive the ultimate forgiveness we seek. And if we refuse to believe that others, and most importantly God will not or cannot forgive us, then we do not fully believe in God’s love and power and we simply lack faith, and because of that lack of faith, we may not receive that forgiveness.
It all comes down to faith. Do we believe that God will forgive us if we ask? Do we believe that we should forgive those who wrong us or persecute us? And do we believe that we should be forgiven and that God can forgive? We must believe this. We must have faith in all aspects of this if we want to get to Heaven.
But the world makes it so darn tough. Sometimes, we harbor so much resentment towards others, often those closest to us for reasons that are so small or perhaps we don’t even remember. But yet those scars and that anger and those feelings are still there. Other times, we have been wronged, or have let the world consume us and we have given in to sin in ways that others may not be able to imagine, and we cannot believe that anyone would understand, let alone forgive us.
All this does is fuel our pride, and prevent us from saying “I’m sorry…” or “I love you and forgive you…” or “thank you God, for forgiving me!” This pride hardens our hearts and hardens us against others – and against God. When we let pride get the best of us and refuse to perform any one of the legs of forgiveness – our stool collapses under the weight and falls.
But when we do forgive, and when we do say we’re sorry, and when we do let ourselves be forgiven, everything works in unison. There is balance. The stool is sturdy and can help us withstand any force. And if strong enough, that stool can actually part the waters of sin that flow our way, protecting us just like in the first reading today.
The Israelites are entering the Promised Land, but first they must cross the Jordan.
“No sooner had these priestly bearers of the ark waded into the waters at the edge of the Jordan,
which overflows all its banks during the entire season of the harvest, than the waters flowing from upstream halted, backing up in a solid mass for a very great distance indeed, from Adam, a city in the direction of Zarethan; while those flowing downstream toward the Salt Sea of the Arabah disappeared entirely.”
Forgiveness is like the dry land created by the Ark parting the waters. Our previous sins and those sins we forgive wash away downstream, never to be seen again. And the sins of the world, those negative elements that cause us to sin are like the upstream waters being gathered in a solid mass, prevented from engulfing us. But if we don’t ask for forgiveness, that dry land never appears. If we don’t let ourselves be forgiven, we wash away with the waters downstream. And if we don’t forgive others, the waters come crashing down on us.
Forgiveness is the key to everything – a fruitful life, a communion with God and His church, and loving relationships. And yet it is a key that so often gets lost, and when we have it, it is sometimes hard to turn. But in the end, it is so simple.
All we need to say is I’m Sorry. I Love You. And Thank You.
