One of the hallmarks of the Catholic faith is that we believe that conversion is a lifelong process. Within the Catholic faith, conversion is more than saying “I believe” and accepting Jesus Christ as personal Savior. Conversion is a turning of heart, mind, will, and life toward God, who always seeks us out. God always knocks on our door when He calls us to conversion. We are converted when we open the door and let ourselves be transformed as we see His face. For us Catholics, that happens again and again throughout our lives.
A knock at the door can come from many sources. One source is when we apply scripture to life. This is true for me today.
In the first reading God sends Elijah to confront King Ahab. Ahab wanted Naboth’s vineyard, but Naboth wouldn’t sell it to him. Ahab’s wife Jezebel arranged for Naboth to be falsely accused of cursing God and king, so he could be stoned in punishment. This left Ahab free to take the vineyard. From one perspective Ahab had not done wrong—he had neither killed Naboth nor even arranged for his death (as David did in Sunday’s reading). He just had the desire.
At first that knock on the door did not seem like it was for me. As scripture describes him, Ahab was a truly bad guy. “Indeed, no one gave himself up to the doing of evil in the sight of the Lord as did Ahab, urged on by his wife Jezebel. He became completely abominable by following idols,…”
But I could see the relevance of Jesus words in today’s Gospel: “Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your heavenly Father,” “If you love those who love you, what recompense do you have? Do not the tax collectors do the same?” “If you greet your brothers only, what is unusual about that? Do not the pagans do the same?” “So be perfect as your heavenly father is perfect?”
I do not live up to Jesus’ standards. I make efforts, sometimes serious efforts, to pray for my enemies (those who hurt me or do me an injustice). I don’t intend evil toward them—though sometimes I think of it. I pray to truly love them. I wish I could.
So that knock seemed like it was for me.
But my mind kept going back to Ahab.
As I prayed, I realized I am more like Ahab than I first thought.
To see myself in Ahab’s story I had to put Ahab in context. History tells us that in general Ahab was a competent king. His goal was to bring prosperity to his people by moving away from the warring the Israelites had been doing with the neighboring peoples to create a time of peace. He married Jezebel, a Phoenician, to create a political alliance that would make peace more likely. In the political world this worked well, but Jezebel kept her loyalty to her god, Baal, who was a god of fertility. She persuaded Ahab that Yahweh, the god of the Israelites, was a good god for war, but not for maintaining fertility of land and people. The Israelites at this time did not yet believe in one god. Yahweh was their God, but they (and all the neighboring peoples) believed there were multiple gods. Under Jezebel’s influence the people began to also worship Baal, that their land might be fertile, in addition to Yahweh.
That was what got Ahab in trouble.
A very important part of the story of Ahab, Jezebel, Naboth, and Elijah is the discernment that Yahweh is THE ONLY TRUE GOD. There was (and is) no other. Ahab’s actions roused Yahweh to call Ahab to conversion. Since fertility for crops required rain, Yahweh sent a drought. In the readings this past week we have read highlights of the ensuing battle between Elijah and Jezebel. The full story is worth reading in 1 and 2 Kings.
As I pray with this, one of the final chapters of Ahab and Elijah’s story, I gain sympathy for Ahab—and I begin to see myself in him. Ahab was a man caught in the culture of his day. He was trying to give his people peace. He did not know his god was THE ONLY TRUE GOD–that he could trust Yahweh for matters of war, peace, fertility, and rain. He was trying to do his job, according to his understanding of the world. His understanding was faulty, which opened him up to trust himself too much and his God too little.
Sadly, I can get caught in the culture of today. I can trust myself too much and God too little.
God called Ahab to conversion through confrontation by the prophet Elijah. At this point Ahab had had a number of experiences of Yahweh: the drought, the contest between Elijah and Baal’s priests, the rain, Elijah’s killing of those priests. Elijah had also had those experiences—as well as being fed by ravens, the jar of oil and flask of flour that lasted a year, and his experience of God in the cave “in a whispering sound.”
In parts of the saga not included in our readings, Elijah had also been disobedient to God. Frightened of Jezebel’s efforts to kill him, he had run from God and duty. But he had not lost his basic trust in God.
So it was not hard for God to find Elijah in the cave and convert him with a whisper.
Now obedient and filled with God’s Spirit, Elijah confronted Ahab. And Ahab was converted. “When Ahab heard these words, he tore his garments and put on sackcloth over his bare flesh. He fasted, slept in the sackcloth, and went about subdued.”
Did Elijah then go further to pray for his enemies (Ahab and Jezebel) as Jesus asked in today’s Gospel? Maybe. He was in a conversation with God about them. God told him, “Have you seen that Ahab has humbled himself before me? Since he has humbled himself before me, I will not bring the evil in his time. I will bring the evil upon his house during the reign of his son.”
How was Elijah when God said that to him? How did he respond when his enemies were helped by his confrontation? Did he forgive them?
Jesus keeps knocking on my door.
Sometimes God calls us to conversion through current events–like the shootings in Florida. At first look, that is something far away from me–awful, but not something I would ever even imagine.
But, this afternoon, as our bishop sent out a statement deploring both the killing and its cultural antecedents: homophobia, tolerance of violence, and prejudice, I wonder if I am as innocent as I would first imagine myself to be. Bishop John said, “No kind of prejudice or hatred towards categories of people can be consistent with our professed faith in Jesus Christ. It is time to be truly agents of peace and reconciliation and bearers of hope.” While I would not disagree with that or act against it, in my work I am in a position to actively teach the habits of peace.
But how much do I do it? Like Ahab, I can compromise with current culture. Like Elijah, I can hide from evil.
Sometimes God knocks at our door to convert us with a whisper within the quiet of our souls. Sometimes God converts us with events that cause us to question our judgment. Sometimes God converts us with a sharp message from another: “Because you have given yourself up to doing evil…” Sometimes God converts us by naming a very high standard, “Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.”
However God knocks on our door to confront us, conversion doesn’t happen until we open the door, turn toward God to face the message God gives us, process the message until we can accept our guilt, express our need for forgiveness, and repent to stop what we were doing to begin to do what better matches what God asks of us. When we do, conversion moves us a bit ahead on the road to holiness.
Once we are converted we can help God convert others.
God is pursuing me as I pray. He pursues me as I pray in the voice of Elijah. He pursues me as I pray in the voice of Ahab. He pursues me as I listen to Jesus say, “Love your enemies, pray for those who persecute you.”
As God pursues me in prayer He calls me to conversion. But I must turn to face Him before I can be converted.
What is God pursuing you about today? Where does He confront you to call you to conversion?
The psalm today is from Psalm 51, a psalm of penitence and God’s mercy. May it be my prayer, your prayer today. May God give us the mercy of conversion , for it must come first—before we can receive the mercy of forgiveness.
Have mercy on me, O God, in your goodness;
In the greatness of your compassion wipe out my offense.
Thoroughly wash me from my guilt
And of my sin cleanse me.
For I acknowledge my offense,
And my sin is before me always:
Against you only have I sinned,
And done what is evil in your sight.
Turn away your face from my sins,
And blot out all my guilt.
Free me from blood guilt, O God, my saving God;
Then my tongue shall revel in your justice.
Link to today’s readings 1 Kings 21:17-29, From Psalm 51, Matthew 5:43-48
