One of the deepest pains I believe a human being can experience is exclusion from their family and the loneliness and betrayal that follow. Yet it seems all of us have experienced this pain directly or indirectly at some level. I have observed exclusion inside of families repeatedly in my work. What inevitably follows is a deep and profound hurt in the hearts and souls of all involved – often times passing on through the generations.
Recognizing the need for emotional and spiritual healing in my patients (and myself) I have created a forgiveness and acceptance modality called The L.I.V.E. Method (Love is Victorious Everywhere). Two basic tenants of this work assert that everyone has a right to belong to the family they are in and when we experience acceptance and forgiveness in our heart for our family members peace and joy blossoms. Now, this doesn’t mean that harm perpetuated by a family member is acceptable, after all, we are each accountable to God for our behavior. However, peace can be found even when all hope seems lost. I invite you to read my June 10th, 2015 Reflection titled “Family Therapy – Jesus” style to learn more about family dynamics through the lens of acceptance and forgiveness. Over the years of working with patients, I have witnessed beautiful transformation when forgiveness and acceptance are brought forth.
With this in mind I turn to today’s first reading. Genesis 16:1-12, 15-16. Looking at Hagar we see a young woman who was brokenhearted, pushed to her limits. As the maidservant of Sarai (Sarah) she was given to the eighty-six year old Abram to be his concubine, with the intention that she bear Abram and Sarai a child. Being a mother myself, I could not imagine the thought of being forced to give my child away. Hagar, in addition to facing this probably heartbreak, was forced to be Abrams concubine. Hagar seems to be to be the archetypal excluded woman. She had no family of her own and the family she lived with, Sarai and Abram, appear to never have accepted her into their hearts. What followed was Sarai’s intense abuse of Hagar, so much abuse that Hagar fled to the wilderness. This young woman felt anything but family inclusion.
In the wilderness the Lord’s messenger appeared to Hagar, acknowledging the abusive treatment she had received from Sarai, he told her to go back to Sarai and Abram because she had conceived a child. This messenger promised Hagar that her descendants would be too numerous to count. This child, whom she was to name Ishmael would be a “wild ass of a man, his hand against everyone, and everyone’s hand against him; In opposition to all his kin shall he encamp.” I have to imagine that the promise of her descendants being “be too many to count” sustained Hagar. Maybe a little “take that Sarai” was in her heart? After all, these descendants would carry her blood – not Sarai’s.
Upon returning “home” we know that Hagar did indeed gave birth to Ishmael. However, Sarah eventually conceived Abram another son, named Isaac. It would be Isaac who would receive love and inclusion, while Ishmael and Hagar would be excluded from the family. We know the rest of the story, Hagar and Ishmael are eventually forced to take leave of Abram (then called Abraham) at the insistence of Sarai (then called Sarah). As Hagar and Ishmael departed they must have carried in their hearts the deep pain of exclusion. Eventually, Muhammad would come through the line of Ishmael – and later ISIS. And here we are today…
So what are we to do with all of this? We are called, as Jesus says in today’s Gospel (Matthew 7:21-29), to build our house on a solid foundation, a foundation of inclusion, love and acceptance where all of God’s children are valued and wanted. Jesus calls us to honor the one true God and love our neighbor as ourselves.
Jesus, God became man, came into the world with a message of love, acceptance and forgiveness. While Jesus came into the world before Muhammad (which I will briefly discuss in a bit); Jesus came after Buddha, Confucius, Lao-tzu and kabbalistic thought. He told us He is The Way, The Truth and The Life and that no one gets to the Father except through Him – very strong and clear words from our savior. Words that the founders of the above mentioned religions/philosophies never said. Rather they pointed to God, or virtues of God. Virtues that Jesus Christ himself authored. Following Jesus will afford us the surest path towards God and eternal happiness.
While I am certainly no expert on Islam or Muhammad I have read a bit on the religion and its founder. Muhammad was born about 600 years after the death of Christ, during a very tumultuous time in our early church history. The church was under external attack of the Roman Emperor Justinian. It suffered internal attack as the controversy over the true nature of Jesus Christ was fought. This fight, in turn, lead to an internal schism. Of course, much more strife occurred during this period. Suffice it to say, “someone” did not want Jesus’ church to get any traction! Meanwhile, Muhammad was born. Unlike Jesus, Mahammad had several wives and he conqured his holy land, Mecca, with an army. Now to be fair, he did receive some messages that sound very similar to the words of Jesus and these words gave his followers the Five Pillars of Islam – faith, prayer, fasting, pilgrimage to Mecca and alms. However, the final revelation of Islam does not end in love of our neighbor as followers of Jesus Christ are called to do.
While I believe it is of value to acknowledge beauty in other religions and philosophies, including the compassion found in Buddhism, the philosophy of all-encompassing humanism in Confucianism, the emphasizes of living in harmony found in Taoism, and the Five Pillars of Islam – it was Jesus who came and told us to look at himself for salvation. He is the author of all that is good. As Christians we are blessed to receive the word of God directly from God himself – Jesus Christ! Christianity offers us the straightest path towards God – a short cut so to speak. Of course, Christianity and Catholicism, like Islam and other religions, is not exempt from extremist who harm others all in the name of their founder. The evil one does not discriminate amongst the world religions as he is an equal opportunity predator. However, what Christianity does offer is the words of a savior for those who have ears to here – words of forgiveness, compassion, brotherly love, humility, generosity, kindness, understanding, patience and peace.
As Christians we are called to include our family members so they feel loved, supported and included; with this support, they can then go into the world building a strong foundation for themselves and others. Inclusion of our brothers and sisters in our family of origin and our brothers and sisters who share membership in the family of God are of immense value in the eyes of God. Just imagine where humanity would be if Hagar and Ishmael would have felt loved and included in their family? It is never too late to begin anew, it is never too late to practice forgiveness, acceptance and inclusion today within our own families. We all have the power to make a change today, a change that will have a positive impact on the generations that follow. We have been given the words and message from a savior who suffered and died for us so that we, and the generations that follow, can fully live!
Live Healthy, Live Happy, Live Wholly, LIVE!
Jesus – I love you!
