The common thread in today’s readings – love. Abide in love and you will be like the faithful and prudent servant in today’s Gospel doing the will of the Father, always prepared to receive the master. (Mt 24:42-51) Paul’s words to the Thessalonians must have been like butter, beautiful and reassuring. (1Thes 3:7-13) Abide in love and allow it to increase so that they (the Thessalonians) may “be blameless in holiness before our God and Father at the coming of our Lord Jesus with all his holy ones.” Jesus in our Gospel also told his disciples to “Stay awake!” so that they could enter the Kingdom. Today’s Psalm is particularly beautiful with the promises of love, hope and mercy. (PS 90:3-5a, 12-13, 14, 17). As we turn to God and seek him we may ask for wisdom of heart, we will shout for joy and gladness, and we may ask him to prosper the works of our hands! As he fills us with his love we will sing for joy.
However, there is a catch… In our Gospel, Jesus warns us again about the “wailing and grinding of teeth” for those who do not stay awake, for those who do not do as the master desires. So how can we miss the mark? God promises us everything our hearts could possible imagine, and yet, some of his children parish. While I certainly don’t have the answers to these questions I believe the answer lies somewhere in our unknowing, our unawareness and our inability to move closer to God.
In my work I utilize something I call the Seven Stages of Healing. This is an adaptation of Kubler Ross’ work in the Five Stages of Grief. Often in the “lower” stages an individual is not even aware they can become free of the pain they experience, they are trapped and frozen in the pain and the door to freedom is outside of awareness. It is here that our prayers for those trapped can make the difference between life and spiritual death my friends.
So what are the seven stages, and more importantly, how can you ascend through them and become closer to God?
The Seven Stages of Healing
Stage 1: Denial
In Denial we are not aware there is a problem, we have buried the trauma, we have buried the pain. Pain such as anger, rage, unforgiveness, grief, resentment, and/or fear is so great that to look at it would cause us to crumble – denial is the only coping mechanism we can utilize to escape the pain . Painful forces hold us tight, forces that St. Teresa of Avila refers to as reptiles in her lower castles. Reptiles that will fight to hold you in bondage, hide from you the truth of the love that God has for you and the joy that awaits you. Reptiles that live where there is wailing and grinding of teeth. When we see another child of God trapped in Denial we must pray for them – just as Paul prayed day and night beyond measure for the Thessalonians. Intercessory prayer is the key to freedom for our brothers and sisters trapped in the bondage of Denial.
Stage 2: Anger
In Anger we are aware there is a problem. We feel the pain, we feel the anger, the rage, the resentment, the fear and someone else is to blame. Instead of turning to God, we are tempted to direct our fury towards another, towards the one(s) who have harmed us. Justice must be done… however, when we are trapped in Anger no amount of justice will heal the pain. Anger, oh how ugly are the reptiles that live here. Only forgiveness can bring about relief; however, forgiveness can be hard when the pain is profound. Surrender the pain at the foot of the cross, give it to Jesus, plead for his mercy and ask him to bring his divine forgiveness into your heart so that you can experience the freedom of God’s love.
Stage 3: Bargain
Here we “know” we can experience happiness, wholeness and peace; however, a deal has to be made first. Perhaps someone else needs to change and treat us differently; however, we could wait our entire life for this to happen my friends. Perhaps we need to do something to prove our worthiness (like Jephthah in the reflection I wrote last week Thursday). In Bargain we do not realize that God’s Mercy is freely given, there is nothing we, or another needs, to do to deserve it. God freely gives it to us when we surrender to him and ask for his love and mercy with a pure heart. God will teach us in his ways without limitation – all we need to do is ask.
Stage 4: Depression
In Depression we have given up on our Bargain. Either we now realize that the other person will never change or whatever we thought we needed to do to be worthy of God’s love didn’t guarantee us happiness. Remember, humankind can never be perfect – we are all fallen and in being so we can never make a deal that would guarantee our happiness. To make such a deal is to set us up for failure. It is in this stage that many turn to God. We pray for escape, we pray for respite, we pray for him to come in and rescue us. However, unfortunately many of God’s children do not know him and therefore they do not turn to him. when they are caught in Depression Instead they turn to poor substitutes such as addictions, prescription drugs or natural “cures”. While I do believe that the proper remedy can offer some respite, it can only offer this inasmuch as we surrender to the true healer – God himself.
Stage 5: Acceptance
In acceptance we can see a bit more clearly. We no longer live in Denial, we have released the Anger, no longer are we seeking a Bargain and the Depression has lifted. We accept the world as it is, we accept humanity as it is. There is a new sense of calm in our hearts – God can now enter into our hearts. The reptiles are quite a distance away; however, they are ready to consume us should we fall again.
Stage 6: Love Entering In
Here the love God has for us begins to enter into our heart, our hearts begin to receive the true tonic they need. God’s love abounds within us, and we then, direct it towards our brothers and sisters. Through our trials our heart has expanded and we have learned how to love more. No longer do we have the innocence of childhood, yet, we hold the beautiful love of God that a child holds. We have surrendered to Jesus Christ and he has refined our heart with is fire. We have no choice but to become the faithful and prudent servant serving God by caring for his kingdom and his children. At this point the reptiles can no longer touch us because we are becoming filled with the light of Christ. His holy body is becoming healed and we are the beneficiary.
Stage 7: Love Consuming
Here we are so consumed with God’s love that we can withstand any trial. This stage begins with an all-consuming love for others and ends as we carry of the pain they cannot carry. The reptiles hold them in bondage yet these same reptiles cannot touch us. We carry the pain of the victim as well as the pain of the perpetrator. We can be the “victim soul” for others, we can be the martyr revealing a joyful countenance at the point of death, we live as a great saint. We have gone through the dark night of the soul and we have experienced the painful separation from God that exists when we do not know him – yet we won the battle because our eyes remained fixed on him. We are equipped to carry the burden for others. Saint Theresa of Calcutta, Padre Pio, and countless other holy saints reached this stage. They became so consumed with love for others that they surrendered their total life so that others could live.
Be blessed my friends and know that there are forces (reptiles) beyond our human eye that hold us back from the love of God; however, through prayer, ours and others, we will break free.
LIVE Healthy, LIVE Happy, LIVE Wholly – LIVE Fully!!!
